golden ?? | bsd

aftermath pt.1

Akutagawa laughs at that, "I wouldn't call it stupid, more like bold."

Akutagawa is still holding his face, something that Atsushi forgets until his partner runs his fingers down the side of his face. Akutagawa's fingers grow dangerously close to his lips. The action caused Atsushi's cheeks to grow redder than they already were. He averts his eyes, what is he doing ? It's over in a second when Akutagawa wipes the spot right beside Atsushi lips.

"You had a little bit of wine from last night," he brings his finger to his mouth, licking away the residue.

There was no denying Akutagawa was acting strange. What exactly had Atsushi done to pull this side out of him? Almost like he wasn't holding back anymore. He frowned, he had an idea of what might have accrued between them but Atsushi felt too bad at the thought of it. If he had by some chance confessed the way he felt then...he had to shut this down. Even if Akutagawa reciprocated Atsushi wanted his confession to be genuine, or at least something he could remember the next day. If not he didn't want any of this.

Atsushi grabbed hold of Akutagawa by his shoulders, finally his turn to touch the other. "Whatever I said, o-or I did last night, please just forget it."

Something like pain flashes across Akutagawa's face. It terrifies him but that quickly fades as the older man breaks into a small smile. He ruffles Atsushi's hair. "Don't worry Jinko, you just started shit talking Dazai."

Atsushi wants to smile back but he can't help and notice Akutagawa calls him by that stupid nickname again.

— akutagawa.

Chuuya was waiting for Akutagawa by the time they got on the train. His mentor looked awfully smug as he followed him into their carriage. He took a seat by the window. The two men then settled into a comfortable silence, well Akutagawa assumed so for Chuuya, because he himself felt like shit. Last night was a lot. Atsushi was honest with him and Akutagawa had told the other things he never thought he'd be able to. And when Atsushi...when he—

Akutagawa shook his head. For the weretiger not to remember and furthermore, telling him to forget it made that place on above his chest hurt. The pain wasn't like one he had longed for, or rather not the kind he would expect from this. His mind darted back to that day in the corridor. Chuuya's tear stained face.

No , he quickly glanced at his mentor. Akutagawa was so stupid for thinking he could escape the sting of love. This whole time he was under the impression he was free of the clutches of that memory when the truth of the matter was he had only run away from it; and now it had caught up with him. How pathetic . However, a tiny smile still grows on his face. At least it was me who got hurt and not him . Akutagawa wasn't sure what he would've done if he subjected Atsushi to this pain. He'd start by never forgiving himself.

Chuuya pulls him out his thoughts by clearing his throat. Akutagawa looked at him, his gaze asking 'what is it?'

"W-when Dazai was still in the mafia did you ever suspect our relationship?"

He's taken aback by the question. This was the first time he ever heard Chuuya actually acknowledge his relationship with Dazai.

"Not at all."

"I see."

Both slip into that silence once more. A minute passes before Chuuya opens his mouth again. "I have the feeling you're not being honest. There are moments when you look at me in such a way that I can't help but think you knew. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know it was you in the corridor that day."

Akutagawa's eyes traveled up to meet Chuuya's. His mentor wore a gentle smile, one that reassured him he shouldn't be afraid of being honest.

"Yeah, that was me."