Something In Between: Sequel to On The Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 26

The steam and its call to DMB aggravated me. I picked up the cup and gulped down the contents as a manner of death of the thought. Hastily, I put the cup back down with another clang.

"I've been prepping for the job search." I began again without warning. "Writing my resume and the base of my cover letter. Sam got me some interview question samples from his company's recruiter." I didn't lift my eyes to Billy, and he didn't look up from his thumb. "One question is what motivates me." I sat back into the plushy cushions of the loveseat. "I don't have an answer."

My anecdote lingered in silence for a few minutes.

"Is fulfilling expectations an answer to that?" I pondered aloud to myself. "I go to work because I'm scheduled. I go to classes because they're happening. I'm just following the plan created for me."

"Why did you go to college?" Billy's tone was casual, ebbing on board.

"Because it was expected."

"Why did you choose English as your major?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "Because it seemed easy."

"Why did you choose USM?" Billy continued asking questions as though he didn't register the answers, but I knew better.

"Because I like Portland."

"How did you know you wouldn't like someplace else just as much?"

"I didn't."

He leaned forward and set his elbows on his knees, letting a hand slip to the back of his head as his fingers tangled in his hair. "Do you get bored with doing what's expected all the time?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation in my voice.

"Are you in love with Sam?" There was no change to his casual inflection.

"Yes." Again, there was no hesitation.

"But you're here because..."

"Because he didn't call." I finished Billy's sentence for him.

"And if he had?"

"I'd be there with him." I picked at my thumb in a mimic of Billy's earlier blasé manner. "Why do you think I'm here?"

"Because it's easy to hide next to me."

It was an affirmation of how much Billy knew about the world around him and how it and I related to him. I'd spent so much time worrying about the bright lights hitting me; I hadn't realized that they were never on me when the lights were always on the person next to me. It was easy to hide beside Billy, tucked safely in his shadow. No one would see the unknown face next to the stature of a growing legend. In the same thought, the loneliness of being isolated in a spotlight tugged at my attention, but I pushed the idea away for another time.

"Does it hurt? Being near me?" I needed to know if I still caused him pain, if the wounds were still open.

"Yes, I hope it never stops hurting. As long as it hurts, then I know I'm still human, living, and breathing."

"Will you tell me about Sarah?" It was a quiet question, and I expected the answer.

"No, she's mine, just like Sam is yours." Billy's unwillingness to discuss his girlfriend revealed how serious the relationship was.

I smiled to myself; he answered as I hoped. The wound may still be open, but it wasn't a focus. I wasn't his focus. I was a memory that he tended to like a garden, but nothing more than that.

"Are we friends, Billy?"

"I hope so, but I'm not sure. Last night made me," he reflected on his words for a moment before adding, "pause."