Unfettered (Loki x Reader)

Chapter 39 - Violent Delights

"I'm sorry? I didn't catch that."

"When I seized, okay? The first time I seized. That was the first time we...," you trail off, letting Tony's imagination fill in the blanks.

"Oh sweet mother of mercy," Tony says, standing and beginning to pace.

"It's not like we were together the whole time," you say, exhausted. "We had our ups and downs. I mean, we went an entire month once without speaking."

"A month?" Tony asks, realization sparking in his eyes. "Goddamnit, Y/n," Tony huffs. "Could that month possibly have anything to do with the time you wouldn't leave your room and requested to leave the Avengers to return to S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

You feel your face grow hot, and you look down at your toes.

"You have got to be kidding me," Tony says. "Over a boy?"

"Technically, he's a God," you mumble under your breath.

Tony shoots you a look before leaning once more up against the front edge of his desk, and letting out a long, aggravated sigh. "Well, that explains his little meltdown that night. I mean, I would have rather continued fooling myself into believing was just pissed because you were getting to go to Asgard and not him."

"Not exactly," you frown.

"Clearly," Tony says. "So what happened? You were...together when Thor took you to Asgard," Tony says, grimacing at the word 'together'. "But not when you came back? Why?"

"In Berlin," you say. "I saw what he did to Phil. I saw him do it in Agent May's memories."

"Hmm - so that's when you find out, huh?" Tony questions, gaze darkening. "And so I suppose he decided to pull this little disappearing act because...what? He's heartbroken?"

"I don't know why he does what he does, Tony," you frown. "But...he did overhear me telling Thor I could never be with him again. Not after learning what he had done," you say regretfully.

"But for some incomprehensible reason you've changed your mind?" asks Tony.

"No!" you say, exasperated. "I hate what he did, Tony. I hate that he purposefully hid what he did, even though he knew what Phil meant to me. I don't...I don't know if I can ever forgive him for that."

"Then why chase after him?" Tony demands. "It's a bad idea, Squirt."

"Because I have to know," you say. "I have to know if he knows Phil's alive. I just...I have questions, Tony. And I have to get them from him."

"And what if you don't like the answers he has to give you?" Tony challenges. "Or, more importantly, what if you do? What then? Are you planning on leaping back into his little green arms?"

"N-no," you stammer, stomach churning. "No, I...I don't know, Tony. All I know is Phil's alive."

"But you do realize that Loki still did what he did, right? Just because Phil might be alive, that doesn't change the fact that Loki tried to kill him in the first place."

"I know," you say, exhausted.

"So then why are you so desperate to find him now?" Tony argues. "Why invite him back into your life after everything he's done?"

You look up at Tony. The answer is in your eyes. You don't need to say it aloud. He can see it.

"Really?" he asks. "In spite of it all?"

You remain stoic. Stock-still. But Tony can read and understand your silence. He shakes his head, but reaches forward and grabs a file folder, handing it to you.