BLOOM ? awsten knight

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Surprisingly, though, Elle nods.

"But, I want my bed first," she mumbles, and Awsten takes that as a hint to help her down from the counter.

She holds his hand as they walk to her bedroom, only letting go when she sits down on the edge of her bed.

"Let me get you some more water," Awsten says, before wandering out to the kitchen; he's back within seconds, with another glass of water in hand, and Elle has already shuffled over to her side of the bed, pulling the covers over her lap.

She gestures to the empty space next to her, subtly inviting Awsten to fill it. He places the water on her nightstand, and swiftly kicks his shoes off before joining her.

He sits with his back against the headboard, and Elle sinks into his side, her arm falling around his torso.

"What first?" She sighs.

"Huh?" Awsten responds, his eyes glued to her.

"The dreams first, or therapy?"

"Oh, uh, dreams," he replies, hoping it's the right response.

"They're about Alex," Elle mumbles, frowning. "Like flashbacks, but way more fucked up than I remember. It makes me feel awful, because I can't just feel his hands—" She cuts herself off, squeezing her eyes shut, and Awsten absentmindedly holds her tighter. "It feels worse, somehow, than it did when it was happening. But, I think that's because of what Colleen was saying."

"Who's Colleen?"

"My therapist," Elle answers.

"What did she say?" Awsten presses, cautiously.

"She said it was sexual assault," she mutters, and his mouth runs dry. "Like, most of the time, because when I said no, he'd keep pushing until I gave in," Elle adds; Awsten holds his breath as she continues. "I didn't know that was classed as sexual assault - when you say no but they persuade you to change your mind. She said he should've asked for verbal consent, every time, but he never—" She pauses, turning to look up at Awsten. "Why aren't you breathing?"

Elle vies for his eye contact, resting her hand on his chest, and he finally lets out a breath.

"I didn't—" He starts, unsteadily. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

"Yeah, me neither apparently," Elle shrugs.

He's internally kicking himself, for all of the times he had questions that he never asked; it all felt mostly explained now, but that doesn't mean he feels any less sick.

Awsten's mind begins racing, wondering if there was a time he ever went wrong, but he's also angry; he's angry that ever happened to her, but he also feels guilty, and selfish for even thinking about himself right now when—

"Awsten," Elle says his name, softly, cutting off his thoughts. "Hey, look at me," she touches the side of his face, which seems to bring him back to reality. "What're you thinking?"

"I shouldn't—" He pauses letting out a sigh. "I feel like it's selfish of me to even be thinking about right now—"

"You are probably the least selfish person I've ever met in my life," Elle cuts him off. "Tell me what you're thinking."