The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 35

Within moments of the bezoar being forced down her throat, the rising and falling of the girls shoulders began to take a rhythm and the pulse that had settled to beating only perhaps ten times a minute started to hammer wildly in her wrist. Severus couldn't watch as Mcgonagall held onto the girls hands, egging her on to open those beautiful brown eyes. Dumbledore too, had reserved himself to stand back in the shadows of the dimly lit room, casting a glance over at Severus every other minute as all signs indicated the girl should soon resume consciousness.
"Stop, stop it please let me go!" Pulling herself upright quickly and attempting to snatch her fragile hands from Mcgonagalls grip, Y/N awoke. Startled and confused and in a blind panic, furiously trying to pull herself further away from her Transfiguration Professor, eyes darting rapidly around the room, barely settling for more than a second on any single object or person.
The panic had encapsulated the girl as she pulled back even more viscously and cried desperately, confused and seemingly afraid that she was in danger as Minerva's stern grip kept the girl from injuring herself in her dazed state.
"Miss Y/L/N it is okay. You are safe." Upon being spoken to, Y/N's eyes settled on the woman in front of her, her breathing slowing and eyes filling with glistening wetness.
"He hurt me- he, he touched me and I- I couldn't stop him-" barely choking out the words between mouthfuls of air and desperate tears, the girls words caught Severus' attention and filled him with a red rage. What had happened to her? Who had done what to her? Had perhaps, somebody else poisoned her rather than her attempting to take her own life?
Gathering the courage he had been lacking the second he had been joined by Dumbledore and Mcgonagall, Severus shifted his position towards the girl and, with no need to be asked, Mcgonagall removed her hands from Y/N's and allowed Severus to take her seat.
"What happened Y/N?" His voice was colder than he had intended it to be but he needed the truth. Had she wanted to kill herself or had something else happened to her?
"The, the Ravenclaw boy. He- he touched me and the- then the girl, she h-hit me and I- I hi-hit my head and I c-couldn't tell y-you so I tri-tried to get somewhere but it was t-to-too much a-a-a-and I ddd-didn't wwwwant t-to be here a-a-a-a-any-anymore." By the time the sentence had finally managed to creep its way from her lips, it was almost incomprehensible but not before all three Professors and Madam Pomfrey had managed to get the general idea of the ordeal the girl had been through. Severus' anger had reached boiling point but, with a hand on his shoulder, Dumbledore insisted it would be dealt with in the morning and that he, Pomfrey and Mcgonagall would leave in order to let both Y/N and Severus rest.

Snapes POV

I watched her from where I'd taken refuge at the edge of the room. She drew her knees up to her chest and lifted her shaky hands to hold either side of her head. What could one possibly say in this moment?
"I believe we need to talk." I hadn't meant my voice to come across so sharp but it didn't seem to unnerve her, she didn't move a muscle, head still in her hands, tucked into her knees.
"I am done talking. I am so so broken and I don't know what to do anymore. I have lost everything and everyone I've ever cared about. It's alright for you, you can go back to that teacher students relationship that we always had but it's not like that for me Severus. You don't get to sleep with someone and then refuse to speak to them. I put everything into you, in order to help me feel better and all that happened was I got dropped. I mean, just look. Look at my wrists! I cut myself over and over again, whether it was to make my mind go numb or whether it was to just FEEL something. But it's not enough is it? You know what happened tonight? That boy had his hands all over me and the whole time I kept thinking about the same thing that happened to me when I was fourteen. When that disgusting man did those things to me in that forest because my Dad left me. You were the only person I ever told about that. And that was all that was going through my head when he was grabbing me tonight. You're the only one who knew that I'd gone through that. The only one I wanted to run to when that happened to me tonight and I couldn't. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't be comforted by the only person who knew and would understand. I didn't want you to find me tonight. What do you all not understand? I am DONE with this, this stupid existence because what am I gaining from it Severus? I get hurt over and over again and I feel so so broken! So no. Excuse me if I don't feel much like TALKING."

I couldn't drag my eyes away from the pained ones looking back at me. She really didn't want to carry on anymore.
"You just don't get it. Do you? You can sit here and say how shit your life is, and how you don't want to be here anymore Y/N but if that was true then you'd of done it! You could of stayed in that cupboard all night and nobody would of found you but you didn't. You made your way back to your common room because evidently, you wanted someone to stop you. That day, in detention when I first saw your wrists. Or the first time you passed out at the end of a potions class, do you really think I wanted all of this? I wanted to help you. To protect you. Not to watch you throw your life away over and over again! You may think I'm being harsh to you Y/N but you acted selfishly. How do you think it felt to watch you walk out into a field full of death eaters and seemingly kill yourself? How do you think it felt to watch you disappear after I had trusted you and grown to love you Y/N? Did you even think of what you would do to ME when you took that potion? You can sit here and tell me that I broke you Y/N but merlin knows, had you even thought that you broke me.........."