In a Heartbeat (MxM)

Chapter 64

Patting the side of the bed next to me, it was still cold. Not a trace of warmth from his side. Just a vision. Just a vision, I told myself, a terrifying one at that. Yet I could feel warmth still lingering on my lips, still feel the way his breath felt on my skin. I had believed it to be a dream in the beginning, but how naive.

Of course, he'd be fine, moving on with someone new. With Sam.

Turning over, I stared at his side of the bed. Maybe I was going crazy, but I could still sense it, the traces of him that remained. He had left pieces of himself everywhere, it seemed. The toothbrush and bar of soap still sitting there, something I hadn't even bothered to throw out. Was it insane that after all these months, I could still smell his scent still lingering in the sheets, or notice the slight indentation in the pillow? Or how badly I wanted to hide yet hold on to that silly photo I hadn't seen him take of us and framed. Everywhere I turned, he was here, yet not. Here, but so far away.

Was it wrong of me to miss him this much? Even when it had been my fault he left?

Now I felt so cold, so empty, that I was starting to forget how it felt to feel warm.

"Vince?" A voice called out, muffled. A short knock from the bedroom door. "Vince, you in here?"

I groaned, throwing a pillow haphazardly towards the voice. "Go away."

"I know you're in there, now get up." I blinked. "Have you eaten?"

I sat up, pouting as my voice replied like a petulant child, "no."

"It's nearly noon, Vince," Xavier exasperated. "You skipped dinner last night too I heard."

"And?"

He walked towards the edge of the bed before placing a bag of what looked to be take-out and a container of cookies. "Eat."

"Not hungry," I scowled. He rolled his eyes before opening the bag and pulling out what looked to be some carbonara. Shit, that looked good. He placed it on the nightstand beside the bed and I couldn't help but savor the smell of the pasta and garlic bread.

He opened the rest of the food containers and handed me a fork like I was a child. "You know he wouldn't like this, you skipping your meals."

As much as Xavier loved to bring Simon up into our conversations to annoy me, he was right. It was a habit of mine, a destructive one at that by skipping meals. It had been something I had started doing even before Simon had come back, and Chase had pointed out that it was something I did frequently, as some form of coping mechanism. I hadn't known it was a problem, and despite trying to get into the habit of eating normally, it was fairly hard to break that cycle.

"I know," I told him before taking a reluctant bite of the garlic bread.

"I'm not leaving until you finish at least half of the pasta and try a bite of my cookie," he pouted like a child. "It's probably not the greatest, but hey, it's edible."

"I'm sure it's fine," I mocked, before picking up the fork and picking at the pasta. My stomach growled but staring at the dish only reminded me of the times Simon had brought me my favorite food and beverages while working on those stupid files and letters.

Xavier reached over and placed his hand on my arm. "You miss him."

What an understatement. I huffed before shutting my eyes. Everything seemed to remind me of him lately. I didn't have to respond for him to get the message. Still, I muttered, "it's been six months; you would think I'd be over it by now."

He pursed his lips, giving a pitiful look, one that I was starting to loathe. "Things take time, Vince. It hurts because you cared about him."

I scoffed at the thought of the vision from earlier. By the looks of it, Simon seemed to be pretty over it already. If that was the case, did he not care, or was I just being melodramatic? Six months was a long time, so why did I feel this way? People would tell you time would make things easier, but it didn't seem to work like that. Maybe it was because of the bond, but even glancing at his side of the bed made me want to shut everything and everyone out again.