The World That Was Mine (Part I & II)

Part II: I

Physically, I was much better than I was two months ago. But emotionally, I had never felt so incapacitated. I don't know how to explain this to anyone else, but it seems these days, I don't know how to explain anything to anyone else.

"Why did you not wear your hearing aid?" Tyler signed slowly when we get into the car.

I shrugged. "They don't feel good." Makes me feel like I'm crawling out of skin, with the distorted hearing my aids provide for me. Part of me didn't want the artificial sound, simply because it reminded me of what I could never get back. It would never be the same, and that was a hard pill to swallow. One I prefered to avoid as much as possible.

"Why?" Tyler asked. Well, actually he used the sign for the letter y, but I could figure out what he meant.

"They're sore. And they make my ears ring." We've had this conversation more than once in the last three weeks. It was a constant battle within myself. I felt sick to my stomach, guilty, that I was not only making it harder on my already mal-adjusted family, but also wasting the money that Tyler had to spend on them for me. It was a battle between my own comfort and happiness, and the satisfaction of the people around me. And eventually, we all knew what I would choose.

"They'll never feel better if you don't wear them, Izzy."

I sighed. "I know."

He didn't try and mention anything else on the drive home. I chalked it up to that he was driving, and couldn't sign, but I think it may have been more about not wanting to argue with me. When we got home, we both slid out of the car without much more communication, and I walked inside, only to find it completely empty.

That wasn't that surprising considering it was 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. But even still, the house felt empty even when it was full now. Logan had moved out shortly after I came home. He and Liam couldn't resolve their issues, even after Liam apologized a million times and I assured both him and Logan that Liam was long forgiven. Logan didn't want to hear it. He thought I shouldn't forgive Liam so soon. The two of them fought everyday for a month. And finally, Tyler put his foot down. He claimed that all the fighting was making our house an unhappy place-which was true, but the only reason-so they needed to end the feud. So they did. In a way that broke my heart into a million pieces. Logan moved in with Teo three weeks ago.

It's weird here without him. I still see him and Teo all the time, and although I don't say anything in fear I would make him feel guilty, I miss Logan so much. He really had become my rock through these last months, and these three weeks have felt like three years without seeing him every morning when I get up, and night before I go to sleep. Everyone else seems afraid to speak now. Or maybe they just don't know what to say.

Tyler puts a hand on my back. I tense up a bit, but don't flinch. I've been getting better about that. When I first came home, the idea of being touched made me physically sick, especially since I couldn't hear it coming. But slowly, I've gotten more used to it, and trained myself not to react so much, even when it made me uncomfortable. It wasn't about my comfort. It was about avoiding those tensed up, sad looks my family gave me, everytime I jumped away from a gentle touch.

"Are you hungry?" Tyler asked, pulling me to his side and walking us both into the kitchen. Emma, Finley, and Jace would be home from school soon. I had skipped my afternoon classes with Liam for my session with Daphne, but I still had some work to do for him. Although, I doubt Liam would give me a hard time if I didn't do it. He was pretty lenient about deadlines. I could just say I had a headache, and he wouldn't blink an eye before telling me to just forget the assignment existed at all.

I didn't answer Tyler's question, but I didn't need to. No matter what I would have told him, he would still be where he was, making me and himself a slice of toast I hoped I would be able to stomach this time. I threw up my breakfast this morning. I didn't mean to, and I wasn't sure why it happened, but I hadn't told anyone because I don't want to worry my family. And besides, I was sure it was just a fluke thing. I didn't feel sick otherwise. So I would ignore it. Just to make everyone else happy.