Break Me, Fix Me, Repeat.

Chapter 1

Every single day that I sat in her room with her, we watched anything that looked entertaining on tv and we just talked. She constantly asked me about the book I was reading at the time, or how school was going, and she even talked shit about the girls that bullied me. She told me how pretty I was constantly, and I returned the favor to make her feel good because the affects cancer had on her were not rubbing off on her in a good way. She was always interested about me and how I felt, rather than the other way around. I left it to her to put a smile on my face; she was my best friend.

I was torn out of recalling my good memories when my father was trying to disconnect my Hercules-type grip on my sisters hand so that the paramedics could examine her. It took me a few minutes afterwards for everything to seep into my mind. My heart was burning constantly, my gut felt like it had been kicked, and the only sound I could make was a quiet sob. The numbness sank in again, and everything else became a blur.

I slept another fourteen hours, trying to escape the pain that I contained; not even a book could help me at this point. Once I found Grace yesterday morning, I became lost. My best friend was gone. Sleep was my only coping mechanism to numb myself until reality would bite me in the ass again.

My parents told me I didn't have to go to school yesterday, it wasn't even a question, but they also let me have today off and they will most likely let me skip on Thursday and Friday as well. I rolled out of bed and I took a look in the mirror above my dresser; my bright blue eyes with green in the middle were now puffy with completely dilated pupils. My cheeks were rashed out and I lightly brushed my fingers over my discolored skin.

Food sounded the least bit appetizing at the moment, but I didn't realize how thirsty I was until I decided to let out a small cough that had built up in my throat. The discomfort made me wince, and I gave in and broke my internal promise that I wouldn't go downstairs, at all costs.

Trying not to make any loud noise, I made my way down the stairs to hopefully grab some water in the kitchen and return to my room as quickly as possible. As I entered the kitchen, my mom grabbed my attention. Her back was turned to me; she had just gotten off the phone and flipped through a few more pages in the phone book on the table before she started to rub her temples, stress consuming her.

I was certainly dumb for thinking I could get water without making any noise, especially when I grabbed the cup out of the cabinet and it fell to the ground after I fumbled with it, trying to break it's fall. I was so awkward. Even when I'm not awkward, I'm awkward.

"Your sister's memorial service is in two days, hun," my mom said without turning around. That felt really, really soon considering it was on Friday and it's already Wednesday evening.

I made a soft sigh, "okay, thanks for the heads up," and I turned around to make my way up the stairs again.

"...and I called Karen today.." she spoke slowly and I stopped in my tracks as if my feet were super glued to the floor. 

"And?" I spoke blankly, not turning around to look at her, which I know she was waiting to see the reaction on my face.

She took a moment to reply, but her words hit me like flying knives, "they'll be at the funeral."

My parents would be overjoyed to see Karen and James. I mean, they have been friends longer than my existence. Of course I love the Gambles so much, but I can't imagine what might happen if they barge back into our lives again.

The broken heart Cameron left me with might completely burn to ashes the second I see his face, knowing that I could still never have him. Wait. I'm not even supposed to be thinking of Cameron. He is dead to me. Even though we live hundreds of miles away, he was supposed to help me get through the continuous bullying and taunting. Still with a new start and a new school, I have still managed to go through school four years without a single friend.

As I fell back onto my bed, I mentally punched myself in the face. This was about Grace, not Cameron. She would have been disappointed to hear me talking so selfishly, worrying about what was best for me instead of my recently passed sister. 

I haven't even seen the boy, and my mind is already a complete wreck. I'm scared that once I see his green eyes and his smile, my feelings for him will bounce back, and I would soon be brought back to disappointment when he runs off with his little model and leaves me in the dust. I wont let him control my feelings.

I continuously reminded myself that Cameron was bad for me; I'm perfectly fine without him. My mind wondered until I finally drifted off to sleep again.

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Author's note:

hey everyone :) I really hope you enjoy this story. I know it was a depressing chapter, but it gets better, I promise. 

please vote, comment, fan... I love you.

Thanks for reading!!

~avery xx!

P.S. VOTE FAN COMMENT VOTE FAN COMMENT GO GO GO ;)