The World That Was Mine (Part I & II)

Part II: II

Logan shook his head after a moment, sitting up and offering me his hand. "Are you ready for your party tonight?" He pulled me into his side as soon as I stood up, making it a little hard to see what he was saying.

I sighed. I had tried to forget about the party all day. Emma had dragged me into her bedroom a few hours ago and insisted that I pick out a dress from her closet, even though all her clothes were too big for me. I had ultimately found an older blue flowered skirt and matching blue sweater that we both agreed looked nice, but even that outfit seemed to swallow me a little. But I didn't mind that as much as I minded what you could see under the skirt.

When I was in the accident, a jagged piece of something had sliced open my upper thigh and left a nasty scar that went all the way down to my knee. Luckily, it was cold enough for pants in Harlan, so I haven't had to deal with the scar much yet, so tonight I dread having to see it. I could only imagine what everyone else would think about it. They would probably think I was disgusting.

Maybe they would stare at it. Maybe they would make fun of me. Or worst of all, maybe they would look at me with those familiar sad looks making me feel like even more of a burden than I already did. I could predict at least two of those would come true. I just hoped I was wrong about which two.

"I have to get ready still." I didn't meet his eyes as we walked. I didn't feel like watching his expression change as I spoke. One thing I've learned about Logan, in particular, is that he is a very expressive person. He's not very emotional, but when he is, you can always tell just what he was feeling. And I didn't need to look up at him to know he was feeling sorry for me.

When we stepped inside, I saw Liam and Jace leaning against the counter speaking to each other in low voices. The door must have slammed behind me and Logan, judging by the way the two of them jumped. Liam smiled at me briefly, but the expression dropped when his eyes found Logan. The two of them were tense as ever with each other. It hasn't let up even after Logan moved out. I wasn't sure why Logan couldn't forgive him, or what Liam had done that was bad enough to induce this sort of anger, but whatever it was, clearly meant a lot to at least one of them. They stared at each other for a moment. Then Logan's chest rose and fell with a sigh, and he bent down to kiss the top of my head.

"I'm gonna go find Tyler," He signed quickly, unraveling his arm from my shoulders and walking away. Liam watched after him for a moment, as if he was trying to say something without words, but I could say with confidence that Logan didn't receive the message.

"Hey almost-birthday-girl," Jace smiled at me, clearly looking to provide a momentary distraction from our two brothers' silent feud. I sighed softly and turned to Jace without so much as a fake smile. "You okay Izzy?" He asked when he got a good look at my face. I shrugged.

"Yeah," One of these days the lies will get so sour it'll hurt to say them. And yet, I do not doubt that I forever will. Lies like this are a matter of survival and sanity. Both of which I have to fight for in this world.

"Emma was looking for you a little while ago, Izzy. You might want to go see her." Liam sat down at the counter with a sigh of his own, a weak, unconvincing smile pasted onto his face. They've all gotten good at fake smiles the last few months. They think it makes me feel better. In truth, it makes me feel nauseated to see how hard they try to do the impossible, just for me.

"Okay," I didn't move right away. "Are you alright?"

Liam's fake smile faded quickly. "I'm fine Izzy. You don't need to worry about me." I wanted to tell him that I would worry whether I needed to or not, but I had a feeling it wouldn't make him feel any better. And that last thing I would want to do was make anyone feel anything less than happy. Even when I couldn't be further.