Cordelia Goode x Reader- Instead

Don't ever be sad that you chose him instead

Cordelia hasn't said anything since asking if you want to come back inside, she simply walks and carries on walking and you assume she is taking you to her office where the conversation would take place that you should have had ages ago. You should have had it when you confessed your feelings for her or when you told her you were leaving but she never permitted it to happen until now. You walk past the familiar rooms and pass the living room where Queenie and Zoe simply exchange a look and without speaking they exchange a mutual feeling of relieve that you and Cordelia are sorting things out finally. They always knew about your feelings for Cordelia and they noticed Cordelia's behavior towards you and it broke their hearts when you left and seeing how miserable their supreme was in the end after you left from their lives. ''Oh Y/N your back'' Coco squeals from the living room and you simply give her a little nervous smile and you notice a girl with brown curls sitting next to her and they seem to be looking at Coco's Instagram. You quickly focus on Cordelia again and follow her up the stairs and to her office. She opens the door and holds it open for you and you walk inside and after she closes the door she points towards the chair asking you silently to take a seat. While you sit down you notice the familiar office and that not a lot of things have changed when it comes to the interior. She sits down across from you and moves some documents out the way and she closes her laptop and you know it's her way of showing that you have her full attention. ''Y/N I am so glad to see you, I heard you were teaching Miss Vanderbilt and brought her here'' and you nod and internally thank Cordelia for taking it slow and starting the conversation with anything but what happened between you two. ''Yeah that's right, she wasn't sure and ready for the academy at first but she is a good witch and she's funny I think she will quickly settle in here'' and Cordelia simply nods. ''So you teach these days?'' she asks and you know its her way of trying to find out more about your life and what you did after leaving here. ''I do yes I sometimes teach at the university I graduated from and also witches for whatever reasons either them not wanting to belong to a coven or their parents making trouble'' and you chuckle a little at that statement and so does the blonde sitting across from you. Despite the fact that you both haven't been around each other for so long it feels oddly familiar whenever your eyes lock or you both smile or laugh at what the other one says. ''So is it correct that you are the supreme these days?'' you ask because you want to know if your little theory is correct. She looks down and her cheeks blush slightly and one thing Cordelia has never been good at is accept compliments or accept her own success for that matter and you know this means she is the supreme. ''Congrats Dee'' you say barely above a whisper and she looks up her eyes glistening at hearing you calling her the familiar nickname that she always loved whenever it left your mouth. Now silence fills the room and it's a thick and painful and uncomfortable silence because you have so many things to say to her but at the same time you feel oceans apart and that it's not your place to say half of these things. In Cordelia's eyes you can see she also wants to say so many things but she isn't sure how you would react to half of it. ''I-'' you try and start but at the same time Cordelia speaks ''Y/N'' and you both look at each other until you say ''Please start'' and she nods and closes her eyes for a moment trying to collect her thoughts and approach this the right way. 

''I want to apologize to you Y/N'' she starts and you blink a few times not being able to believe that she would actually feel sorry for anything. ''The truth is back then I was stubborn and foolish and I pushed you away and I shouldn't have'' and you feel the familiar feeling of a knot in your throat and your heart clenching. ''Delia please don't'' you interrupt her because you have hoped so long that you two could have a future but it's too late and nothing the supreme could say would change that now. ''No Y/N please I need to speak my truth'' she pleads and you stay silent which allows her to do so. ''I shouldn't have let you go and I know you have moved on and your life now but I just want to apologize and if I could turn back time I would if it didn't mean I would have to mess up the entire time line of the world we live in'' she says with a hint of sarcasm and you admire her for bringing lightness into this dark conversation and all the emotions that come along with it. Suddenly anger washes over you, it causes your eyebrows to furrow and you to clench your fists because you don't understand. ''Cordelia I don't understand you had every chance to contact me, I never changed my phone number and you could have reached out to me so easily you are a witch for god's sake and you could have got me I could have been there for you with Misty, Fiona and Myrtle, and what about the attacks? why did you never reach out to me?'' you ask and you feel bad for punishing her with these questions but it's what you are currently feeling and thinking and you need to release the anger. ''Y/N I- the reason that I didn't do that is because I didn't want you to think you are a second choice, I lost you back then and if I could trust me I would ask you to stay and I would never chose Hank over you'' she replies. At this point it seems impossible for you to hold your emotions in but you fight back the tears regardless. ''I don't understand Dee why did you do it? why did you choose him?'' and she looks down her face full of guilt. ''You know what don't Cordelia I don't want to hear it'' you say now realizing this was a mistake and you should have never taken the invitation to come back inside and talk to her. ''I'm sorry this was a mistake I shouldn't have come back here'' and with those words you get up from the chair and you walk towards the door but you suddenly feel a familiar hand grab your wrist which causes you to turn around and look into Cordelia's eyes now inches apart. ''Y/N please'' she pleads but you shake your head and take a few steps back. ''Cordelia I - I don't want regrets, I tried to confess my feelings to you and I tried to defend how I thought you and I would play out'' you start but tears stream down your face and your voice is breaking ''I watched you choose him instead of me, despite us both knowing he could have never been good enough for you, he was at your side like a stain and don't you think I have seen the hurt in your eyes whenever you were with him?'' you say your voice now louder than before. ''He trapped you inside this sadness and I was stupid enough to believe you would choose me instead because I could be better for you, make you happy but I was foolish back then and I was foolish today coming back here and thinking this wouldn't hurt like hell and even more than before''. Cordelia looks at you in shock at your words , despite them being your truth it hit and hurt her and tears stream down her face and whenever you see her upset you have this urge to make her feel better and you wish you could wipe her tears away. ''I have to leave Cordelia'' you say and you walk towards the door and you hate being this cold towards her but you shut the door and walk out of the coven just like you did all of these years ago. The supreme is left in her office with tears streaming down her face, lip trembling from your words and hurt you reacted this way instead of talking it out. 

On your way out the girls were busy with showing Coco around so thankfully you didn't bump into anyone. You feel mad at yourself, the world, Cordelia and just everything and you do what you should have in the first place. Go back home. So currently you are walking to the train station, completely unaware that Cordelia is standing by the window crying silently like she did when you left the first time, watching you leave her and the academy. Despite you being here last years ago you still remember the streets and the way you need to go to get to the train station and it doesn't take long for you to hear the trains come in and out of the train station departing into different directions. After purchasing your ticket you wait for a while until it arrives and you find a seat and look out the window while leaving this place. As the train starts going towards home and away from the academy you can't help the tears because the last few hours have been too much for you. It's not just the Cordelia situation but also the fact that you have missed so many things happening at the coven and you truly wish you could turn back time and never leave the coven. That way you would have been there to maybe convince them not to burn Myrtle at the stakes, you could have saved Misty and even if not you could have been there comforting Cordelia. There are so many ''What if's'' and they tear you apart, breaking you little by little. In the end you feel exhausted so you close your eyes and listen to the sounds the train makes and you doze off to sleep, the exhaustion of todays events now creeping up on you. 

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A/N: This is a bit sad I'm sorry but I promise it will get better next chapter 💛