Cordelia Goode x Reader- Instead

Don't ever look back

Meanwhile Cordelia teleported back to the coven and she locked herself in her bedroom and she also is breaking down on her bed, hugging her blanket and crying silently because she doesn't want to worry the girls or that they take notice of how she feels. What the supreme doesn't know is that whenever she is upset this dark and quiet shiver runs down all of the witches spine because the academy fills with a dark vibe and it's hard to explain but the girls quickly know once Cordelia is upset because they can feel it in the air and most of the time they leave her alone but Queenie and Zoe know Cordelia came to see you so they want to give her some space before approaching the supreme about what happened. Cordelia keeps thinking about your words and she has blamed herself for years for driving you away and letting you go and she always feared that you would hate her for what she did but after the last few times meeting you she had hope until today. Her soul and heart feels crushed and that there is no chance with you left despite her being so open and honest with her feelings and at least she now knows that you feel or have felt the same way before. The supreme isn't ready to stop fighting for you or to give up yet because that is in her true nature but she knew earlier that you needed your own space because of how upset you were and also drunk. She doesn't blame you for cursing or screaming at her because she knows that you had something to drink before she arrived but at the same time she knows that drunk words are sober thoughts and that everything you said must be what you have felt for years and what you have currently been thinking and she hated to see you so upset and you telling her that you struggle with daily things because of her behavior all those years ago. The supreme often thought about travelling back in time herself and reverse her decision and never stay with Hank and that's not because of the whole witch hunting thing or the acid attack it's because she knew before all of those things that she only loves you and that you have made her the happiest ever since arriving at the coven. While she is crying she also remembers some of the fond memories that the two of you have shared together like that warm summer day when you were in the greenhouse and had a little mud fight and you picked her up and carried her through the garden and warm grass and she was starting to fall in love with you despite being with Hank. How could she ever love someone that makes her feel as a second choice and not loved when she has you that shows her so much appreciation and honesty. You taught Cordelia how to smile again and it's both such a beautiful but painful memory because Cordelia wishes she could have those memories with you again and make many more. Right now she knows you are hurting and she wants to leave you alone like she promised and intended in the first place. 

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Within the next few days you haven't managed to leave your sofa, occasionally you got up to go to the toilet or to drink something because you felt like throwing up or passing out from the lack of food and water entering your body but since Cordelia was here you can't motivate yourself to do anything anymore. You keep repeating her words in your head and your own and you regret the way you spoke to her and you know she is only a phone call or a teleport away but you can't do it, you are stubborn sometimes and this isn't exactly that but more the fact that you feel so insecure and overwhelmed with this whole situation. While you have been hiding on your own sofa and shutting out the whole world around you, things have been somewhat the same at the academy. Cordelia did her supreme duties but she keeps to herself most of the time and the dark and sad vibe has stayed in the academy and although the girls tried talking to their supreme, she couldn't talk about it because she cries whenever she thinks about the situation with you. In the end Zoe decides to take matters into her own hands and call you to figure out what happened. When you hear the phone buzz on your table you just let it buzz but eventually a few messages get you to actually check it and when you see it's Zoe and the urgency of her messages you call her back just in case something is wrong at the coven or someone needs your help. ''Y/N? thank god'' Zoe exclaims and you sit up and you see some black spots in front of your eyes from feeling so exhausted over the past few days. ''What is it Zoe?'' you ask annoyed and she asks ''What happened between you and Cordelia? she only keeps to herself and in her room and we don't understand'' she explains and you close your eyes and shake your head. ''Zoe I can't talk about it I'm sorry'' you say and she is one of the most understanding people you know so she drops the subject. ''Fine but how are you doing really?'' she asks and you sigh and tell her you are alright although that isn't the truth. ''Remember Y/N you will always have a home here no matter what happens'' she reminds you and you nod and thank her internally for saying those words. ''Thank you Zoe'' you manage to mumble into the phone and after a few moments of silence you say ''Zoe can I ask you something?'' and she answers ''Of course anything'' and you take a deep breath before answering ''How come you never told me about Madison?'' and you can hear Zoe's breath hitching a little. ''I'm so sorry Y/N'' you hear her say and in the background you can hear that she seems to have left the house as you can't hear any background noises and it's sounds like she is in the garden alone now. ''It's okay but what happened?'' you ask and she tells you about how they found Madison and tried bringing her back but how hard and impossible it turned out to be. ''I'm so sorry Zoe'' you answer emphatically. ''I know how much she meant to you Zoe'' you say remembering that at some point those two had a thing going on and they were always everywhere together. ''She really did'' Zoe answers and after a few moments of silence she says ''You know there is this person in your life that just makes you to the happiest when you are around them and forget everything, all the bad things and the hurt? that's how Mads used to make me feel. She made me feel so special and I hate that I no longer have her around or can tell her how much she means to me'' she explains and you just let her speak ''You know Madison could be a bitch but I wish she was still around to be a bitch to me and that I could have her close, we argued so much all the time but I wish I wasn't so damn stubborn and I wish I would have been honest with her'' she explains and it suddenly dawns on you, how stupid you were for pushing Cordelia away and that everything Zoe just explained about Madison is exactly how you did and still feel about Cordelia and you suddenly feel the urge to tell Cordelia that before it's too late. All those deaths Myrtle, Madison and Misty only proved to you how short life truly is and you really need to tell her that you love her too and that you want to make this work even if it will be hard at first. ''Y/N you still there?'' Zoe suddenly asks after hearing shuffling in the background. ''Zoe I am so sorry but I need to go, I gotta find her'' you say before ending the call and Zoe looks at her phone a bit confused and puzzled at your reaction. 

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A/N: Hi everyone! We are almost at the end 💛 I got one or two more chapters so I hope you enjoy and look forward to those!