The only way to cope. Snape X reader

CHAPTER 40

Snapes POV

The girl's presence in the class should not of made me as on edge as it did. This was the girl who I had taught for six years in this class yet seeing her sat once again in her usual seat filled me with an anxious fluttering each time my eyes cast over her desk.

It seemed, however, that it was not only I who was in plain unease at the familiar situation, as she too seemed unable to relax. Those brown eyes which had so often found a feeling of comfort and reassurance in a potions lab darted from one corner of the dungeon to the other, not resting for more than a moment on a singular object.
I could not linger my thoughts on the girl for too long as the class had become obnoxiously loud, indicating I had left them in silence for too long before beginning the lesson.
"Enough!" My fist hit the table with as much force as my voice, instantly pulling the attention of the group toward me. I was glad for the control I had over them yet i silently cursed myself as I caught the tensing of shoulders and a sharp inhale of breath from the girl who occupied desk number eleven.

How was it possible that a girl who had felt her confidence peak in this very room should become so on edge and apprehensive of the very peers she had been once so popular amongst?
With a flick of my wrist, yellowed rolls of parchment descended from my own desk to those of the Ravenclaw and Slytherin group before me, bearing the method and ingredient list of today's potion. As they were nearing the end of their sixth year, i had decided it would be appropriate to challenge them with the task of brewing Everlasting Elixer, knowing that should they make a mistake, it would be difficult to hide and that the desired Blue colour would be almost impossible to fake.

After handing out these instructions, I sat to grade an essay which had been produced by a first year which much to my surprise, had been satisfactory enough for me not to wish I had never begun teaching. Despite how I had promised myself I would not be unprofessional enough to let my gaze move favourably towards the girl, I found my eyes lingering on her desk for much longer than the did the rest of the group. Of course she had completed the potion before everybody else. Of course she had that sparkle in her eyes as she worked. Of course she had begun to write up the theory behind the potion. Of course she was brilliant. Yet behind that sparkle and desire to move her fingers effortlessly through her ingredients, was an anxious edge and it became more evident as I watched her scratch at the inside of her wrist absentmindedly. A habit perhaps? Or just an attempt to calm her anxiety?

Still observing that no student should see my eyes linger on the girl sat at desk eleven, I watched her from behind my own desk, following her own eyes which flicked between desk seven and her own parchment. Of course. The Ravenclaw boy who had made unacceptable advances on her that night and who had been residing in her nightmares had returned from his suspension as she had too, returned to the classroom. It was indeed only natural for her to feel unsafe and anxious to be near the culprit who had finally pushed her into making an attempt on her life. An unusual anger coursed through me as I burned holes into the side of the boys head, furious at the fact he even had the privilege to roam this castle after such a disgusting act. How he reminded me of Potter and the arrogance at which he displayed so obviously in the presence of my Lily.
Enough.
Y/N wasn't Lily.

Standing, i slinked my way through the desks, muttering to myself at the state of the potions and the untidy scrawls which made up sub standard theory essays, my eyes constantly moving to her desk to see her leg shaking under the table and her fingers scratching at her wrist as she worked through what I expected to be a flawless piece of writing, unaware of the fact that her anxiety was being controlled with such obvious mannerisms.

Y/N POV

I had been excited to be attending my potions lessons once more yet all I could feel were the eyes in the back of my head and the obnoxious swagger with which the Ravenclaw boy had strutted past my desk. Try as I might, the usual confidence that swam through my body whenever I brewed a potion would not come. And, despite the fact that my hands seemed to know exactly what to do and a small sense of comfort was breaking through the fog in my mind, I couldn't for the life of me concentrate on what I was doing for my eyes had found themselves time and time again landing on the boy in the blue robes.
I'd attempted to quash the overwhelming fog and restlessness that had absorbed my attention from the lesson by throwing myself into the essay once my brain had somehow managed to concoct a perfect blue potion but to my dismay it was impossible and the knot of butterflies in my stomach were seeming to creep up into my chest, forcing my breaths out in quick, short bursts.

I hadn't noticed my leg shaking violently under the desk. Nor had I noticed my left hand scratching at my right wrist as I put my knowledge into black scrawls on the parchment in front of me. Nor had I noticed my teeth had pierced my bottom lip in my anxious state. I hadn't noticed any of this until I felt something cold and wet placed into my left palm and my fingers pressed around it to form a fist.

It was with such subtlety and slick that he had managed to appear at my side, pushing an ice cube into my palm, pulling my thoughts to the present and resting my leg, licking the scarlet bead off my lip and removing my fingers from where they had scourged thin scratches into my wrist.

Without so much as a glance at me and certainly without making his careful attempt to ease my anxiousness known to anybody else in the class, Severus had reappeared at the front of the room, peering into simmering black cauldrons with a stern intensity sat in his dark eyes. A tiny smile caught in the corners of my lips as the cold cube brought my anxiety down to a manageable level and allowed my brain to think freely again. How was it that he knew exactly what would make me feel better every single time? How had I been so lucky to be with Severus Snape?

The downside to my eventual return to classes was the fact I would now be required to attend meal times with my fellow Slytherins in order to avoid difficult questions about why I no longer appeared anywhere other than my classes. It had been easy to pass off that I had been returning to my dormitory once everyone had gone to bed as nobody would know. I'd always shared a dorm with Anna and Jenny and they were no longer here to question my absence......
Eating in Severus' chambers however was slightly trickier to get away with. Not only was Severus himself required to attend meal times in the Great Hall, it was going to be increasingly difficult to avoid the place myself without fear of my peers questioning my whereabouts.

Snapes POV

The Potter boy caught my attention as I sipped the mug of black coffee from my vantage point at the Head Table.

He had caught her arm as she beelined for the Slytherin table, her first meal in this room in weeks, a task I could see from her body language she was anxious about since the night that wretch of a boy from Ravenclaw had laid his hands on her.
The hardened features of her face that had seemed to develop the longer she trudged through whatever emotions she was dealing with softened as Potter grasped her, my own fingers gripping the mug in my hands ever so slightly tighter.

Had this of been a normal student, let alone one from my own house, I would have had no doubt in my mind as to descend upon them and escort them back to their own table yet as I watched her take a seat amongst the obnoxiously loud Gold and Red robes of the Gryffindor students, I held back and gripped the porcelain tighter. As much as it angered me to see her anywhere near the Potter boy, especially since he had been such a consistent cause of pain in the early months after her parents deaths, I knew it could only be a positive for her to be welcomed back amongst the students with such open arms. Would this of been the case if she hadn't of saved Potter that night the Death Eaters stormed the castle? Perhaps not.

Upon seeing the boys arm snake around her perfect shoulders, the mug cracked and split into two perfect halves in my hands, seeping now luke warm coffee onto the dark wood of the table. How dare he. Perhaps it was the fact that it had been a long day or the fact that it seemed history was to repeat itself that caused me to stand from the table and skulk back to the dungeons but I couldn't get the sight of the black mop of hair, his skinny arms around her shoulders and that arrogant grin from my mind. It was happening again.

A shift in the dynamics of their relationship. From sworn enemies, Potter making the girls life miserable to her now developing a softness for the boy whilst my eyes were forced to watch it unfold.
It was irrational. She spent her evenings with me. She had hated him. It was only her kind nature that had meant she had saved him. It was only her fear of being cast out from her own house that had meant she had accepted the invitation to sit with the Gryffindor lot yet it burned a dark hole in the back of my head.
It wouldn't happen again. I would not lose her to a Potter.

***There we go! How am I doing? I hope you're all enjoying it!***