Vast Fields Of Light

Chapter 8

"'The gods must take back the life that they spared.' That's what you said - the other you - when we were at the hidden temple," he said as he took another step towards her, his eyes wide and insistent.

She let him approach and stared back at him with equal force. "And they did - didn't they? They took my life. It is done."

He blinked uncomprehendingly. "What? You're here."

She shook her head once. "That doesn't matter. It still happened. The gods see all, Dastan... that is the sacred teaching." She paused, arching her eyebrows and widening her eyes, trying to make him understand. "A life given, without any expectation of rescue or survival, is a true sacrifice - no matter what. I will be safe this time."

"Are you sure?" he demanded, then stepped towards her again, looking down at her with agitation. "-No - can you be absolutely certain, Tamina?"

She knew that he saw the tension in her jaw and the flicker in her eyes. "I am as certain as I possibly can be-"

He broke eye contact and half-turned away from her in disgust, exhaling sharply. "And that's supposed to be good enough for me?"

"I have faith in my gods, Dastan," she told him levelly. "For mortals, nothing can be completely certain-"

"You're wrong about that," he interrupted sharply, turning to look at her again. "Because I am completely certain that this is madness. It is totally unnecessary - the Hassansins are defeated, the dagger is safe-"

"-But for how long?" she demanded, tension starting to heave against her ribcage. "We do not know what threats may be coming-"

"-Look, I - I can have more of my men guard the Palace. I can train your army," he told her, gesturing urgently with his arms. "I could go and join my brothers, to ensure the Hassansins are truly gone - we can recruit more spies-"

"-And none of that would change my mind, Prince," she told him sharply, her voice shot through with iron. "There are simply too many risks and uncertainties now. After everything you told me - if the dagger were to fall into the wrong hands again, I could never forgive myself. I must do this."

He stared at her helplessly, his eyes wide and his chest heaving. "No. I - I can't accept this, I-"

"-Fine - then I will just do it without you. Is that what you want?"

Dastan's exasperation pushed a growling groan from his throat as he turned his back on her and walked a few steps away. She sighed, working her jaw in frustration as she watched his broad shoulders curve under invisible weight.

"Dastan... you know me. Better than I realised. Better than I know you," she said, fire tracing through her voice. "Do you really think there is anything you could do or say to change my mind?" She paused, breathing slowly to quieten her voice, though the edge remained. "Are you even truly surprised that this is what I want to do?"

He gave her the briefest weary glance as he turned with a ragged sigh and sank down to sit on the edge of the bed. She watched as he looked unseeingly out of the window; there was a silence as he rubbed his cheek, and she could hear the faintest crackling fuzz of stubble underneath his hand. He finally spoke in a voice so faint she almost missed it.

"I can't lose you again, Tamina."

She sighed, stepped over to him and lowered herself to sit close beside him on the bed. "That will not happen."