The World That Was Mine (Part I & II)

Part II: III

I had even offered to let him share my bed with me, even if I wasn't especially fond of the idea. Even with Logan, certain things still felt too close for comfort. Things that still made my heart rate race and my blood pressure spike. He must have sensed my discomfort with the idea when he gave me a small smile and told me he would be fine on the floor for the night.

I caught Nolan's eye in the rearview mirror one more time. He smiled warily at me, eyes fluttering from the road to the mirror rapidly.

"Are you okay?" He mouthed slowly. I wasn't very good at lip-reading, but I could make out short sentences when someone spoke slowly enough and with enough diction.

I nodded, eyes drifting down to my intertwined hands that rested in my jean-clad lap. Nolan reached back and gently tapped my knee, making me look back at the mirror. "We're almost there. Are you hungry?"

He made an eating gesture with one hand, and I shook my head. "I'm okay."

Nolan nodded slowly and broke eye contact. His chest rose and fell with a deep sigh that I could only assume was exasperation. Exasperation with me, I was sure. Nolan was a very perceptive person. He was the quietest of my brothers, and certainly the most reserved but he was also very understanding and in tune with other people's emotions.

Specifically mine and Emmas. He and my twin were close like I and Logan were. He always seemed to understand her better than the others. Better than I did, most of the time. And Nolan understood me better than most people as well. And that meant he often saw through my thinly veiled lies. As much as we both wished he didn't. We stopped at a red light. Nolan pulled out his phone, typed something out quickly, and handed it to me.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you last night after you left the restaurant. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes," I typed in response. "I feel much better." He read it the next time we stopped. 

Then he handed the phone back to me. "Okay, I'm glad. You can always come to me if you need help." 

"I know. Thank you." The next twenty minutes were driven in silence until we pulled into the parking lot of a rest stop, where the rest of our disheveled-looking family was waiting for us rather impatiently.

"C'mon Izzy, let's go find something good to eat." Nolan smiled warily, one hand on Logan's shoulder shaking him awake just as he had done to Finley moments before. I waited until all three of them had slid out of the car, before digging through my backpack for the little blue container I had shoved to the bottom the night before. I could feel the hearing aids rattling around against the insulated sides. Tyler had told me I had to wear them throughout our vacation, even after my panic attack last night-which Teo had diagnosed my momentary lapse insanity. His logic was I would be in an unfamiliar place, where being able to hear my surroundings was a matter of safety rather than convenience.

I disagreed, but true to form, I was far from inclined to argue. Just as I was about to slide out of the car after my brothers, the door on my side of the car flung open, making my heart jump into my throat in surprise. Tyler put a hand on my shoulder, steadying me, and furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

"Didn't mean to scare you, buddy," He signed slowly. I quickly shook my head and tucked some of my stray hairs behind my ear as I tried to take a deep breath to fill my lungs with the air they desperately needed. "I was just coming to see if you were okay. I didn't get a chance to talk to you this morning." He moved his hand from my shoulder to the top of my head, smoothing down my unruly chestnut curls. I cautiously moved away from his touch, ignoring the flash of pain and anger in his steel-gray eyes. I wish I could make him understand that it wasn't about him. That my discomfort had nothing to do with him. But I didn't have the words, or the energy to make him understand feelings I could barely comprehend myself.