Irreplaceable you || TFP Ratchet x Femme reader

4. Nightmare

"Y/D..." he called out to her with his broken voice, her wires all frayed and sparking. Her body looked even worse, missing certain pieces that must've blown off in the impact. Energon was everywhere.

He blamed himself. She got the blunt of the damage from their cramped position in the pod.

Ratchet cried, looking for a sparkbeat or a pulse, something to give him his hope back.

But there was nothing. Dead on impact.

And yet the damage he got dealt with was manageable. He punched the ground, his fallen tears dampening the soil around her as he had no choice but to pick her up and turn her to him.

Her faceplates weren't damaged at all, peaceful even. The morning medic held her close to him as he cried out, picking her up as he walked nowhere.

He didn't know what to do. He was lost.

There was a cave close by, so he chose that as her final resting place. All of this happened so fast, his vision blurred as he stumbled and slurred his way to the cave. The fire was glowing vividly brighter than normal, or at least to his blurry vision it was. There was no way he was just going to leave the love of his life out in the open like that for primus knows who to find.

The dark cave echoed his sniffles as he quietly walked through the narrow opening, finding refuge in the deep enough fixation for her to be at  peace from the outside world and its conditions.

He didn't want to leave her, especially like this. Cold, all alone in a cave on a foreign planet. But he couldn't stay, either. His guilt ate him up faster than any scraplet could, as he completely studied her in shock, his quiet sobs choking him to death.

He simply did not want to live.

He laid her softly on the rock ground, propping her helm up a little as his tears trickled down, never stopping for one second as the puddle of the liquid formed and started rolling downhill.

He stepped away for a minute, looking at his arms covered in her energon. his digits twitched and his servos shook. Automatically without thinking, his one dominant servo switched to his blade.

He gasped in shock at his dark thoughts he couldn't control, but there was no point in pushing on stuck in a world by himself, just witnessing the single worst thing that could ever happen.

His servos trembled as he surveyed his own weapon, before his processor snapped out of it with an incoming call beacon. He looked to his other arm, the metal transforming to show his cracked tracking screen.

"Autobots, we have arrived and set up base at my location. I send this message to all among the stars or already here on Earth."

It was Optimus' voice. His servo switched back as he tracked the location, his thoughts jumping from one possibility to another.

He knew she wouldn't of wanted this, as much as he didn't want to live without her. It was a bittersweet agreement they made at the beginning of the war.

He cursed himself and his deceased lover, as he held her servo to say his final goodbye through his sobs.

"I love you so much, Y/D. I don't know how I'm going to manage this without you, but I will try, I'll try for you. Is this how it really ends?"

He cried and cried, not being able to properly speak.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you, I, I, I love you, and, I-" He mumbled and ranted, his guilt and grief taking over.

"I shouldn't have come, Primus, I failed you, I-I offlined you." He shook as he said that, the realization of something he was tricking himself into thinking hit him in the spark.

"I don't want to go, I can't leave you..." He mourned, kissing her forehelm before he contradicted himself.

"But I have to. Thank you, my love, for making me the happiest mech to ever live. You will always be with me, and I thank you for that, thank you for the beautiful memories we were lucky to have...I don't even know how to say goodbye, so it's not a goodbye. This is all just temporary, I promise..."

Their sparkbond fluttered, a warm feeling that made the cold mech smile. He'll be okay, one day as his spark starts to heal.

He found himself pushing his tears away as he walked away from the cave, slithering himself out from the entrance as he cried out. He was broken.

Nevertheless, he pushed on for her, following the beacon Optimus set.

~

The aged medic woke up from the nightmare, finding the tears already forming in the corners of his optics. The sparkbond was active like normal, his servo cuffing the chamber in comfort.

Miko's words haunted him once again. Was he really keeping her from resting all this time?

His bond started burning, Ratchet shifting uncomfortably. The more he thought about it the more he knew she couldn't physically be one with the AllSpark like this. He's hanging onto her from his own guilt only he knew about.

No, he was thinking too much into this. He blinked and rubbed his optics, pushing himself to lay back down.

But the burning continued, which meant his thoughts continued to worsen.

It was time to let her go.

~