The Badass Nerd

STD and Hot Chocolate

"I will be downstairs. Breakfast." I said and left the room. Fuck! That was intense. I couldn't believe how much I wanted him to kiss me. I was so desperately waiting for his lips to meet mine, I didn't even think once how that would affect my relationship with him. If he would have kissed me, I might just have let him and kissed him back and I am not sure if I was comfortable with that thought.

I quickly made omelette sandwich for both of us and almost burned my hand thrice. I kept thinking about how vulnerable I felt when he came close to me and it was a weirdly good emotion. Every time that incident came in my head, my heart skipped a beat and I felt a good kind of pain in my chest. This never happened when I kissed Taylor. It felt simple and sweet but with Carter, I felt like my body is on fire. It felt thrilling. His closeness shut off every logic that could possibly keep me away from him. His eyes consumed me.

I turned around to put the sandwiches on his plate but had a mini heart attack when I saw him sitting on the chair staring at me.

"When did you come downstairs?" I asked.
"A little before you were putting cheese on my sandwich." He said casually and took a fork out of the stand. He cut a huge part off it and moaned when he put it in his mouth. Before that sound got me to somewhere else in my head, I quickly took my seat in front of him and started shoving the food down my throat without sparing a look at him. I heard him chuckle once or twice but I ignored him altogether. I was too embarrassed to even look at him and I was afraid what I might do if I got that close to him again.
"So, you are gonna tell me what did I do or say last night?" He asked me curiously. I shrugged my evil thoughts and returned to my carefree posture.
"As I said, you admitted that you are in love with me and begged me to not leave you." I said and smirked.
"That can't be true because I don't have feelings for you." He said calmly.
"Fine but before I tell you what you said, can you tell me what you feel about the fight we had that day?" I asked and looked at him intently. Before I forgive him, I wanted to make sure it wasn't some dumb drunken mistake and he actually feels that he did wrong. He sighed and took his time to form his answer.
"I messed up Liv. I should never have said those things. None of them are true. You are an amazing person and I am sure that whatever happened between you and your dad was not your fault. Also, I should never have bought up your dad in the first place. I was wrong and I am sorry." He said with genuine eyes.
"That." I said and went back to eating.
"What?" He asked me with confusion.
"That's exactly what you said last nice. You came through my window and apologized for being a jerk." I said and his eyes softened in realization. I smiled at him.
"I am sorry too. I know you made mistakes but you are trying to be a better man and I respect that. I should never have insulted you."
"It's fine. Most of what you said was true anyway." He said and I smiled sadly at him. I would have denied it but it was the truth. After we were done eating, he moved towards my door to go back to his house.
"But how will go back? You were drunk when you came here last night."
"Don't worry. Noah will pick me up."
"If you want I can drop you home." I offered but he waved his hand at me in dismissal.
"Liv, you have done enough. I will manage. Thanks for the awesome breakfast." He said and left.

After he left, my mind wandered around what happened in my room today. I really need my best friend for this, I thought. I texted Emma SOS and I heard her car pull over in ten minutes.

"What happened?" She asked walking in frantically.
"I think I might have feelings for Carter." I said and looked down.
"You think?" She said in a bored tone and I gaped at her.
"Excuse me! This is a big deal."
"Uh.. not really. We know you like him. That's all we talk about when you are not around." She said plopped in the living room sofa. I went to kitchen to make hot chocolate for us. When I was done, I carefully brought the cups to the living without spilling anything.

"How did you figure it out?" She asked and I told her about what happened last night.
"Girl, what are you waiting for!? He clearly likes you and you like him as well. Make a move!" She said excitedly.
"Look, I don't think I am ready yet. And even if I am, he is not ready either. He told me not to leave him like forty five times. He is afraid that I will leave him like his ex did. He needs to get over that fear." I said and she hummed in affirmation. There's a different kind of satisfaction I get after her approval.
"That's fair man but you have to make sure you know what you are doing and when is the right time. You can't blow this up." She said finishing her cup.
"I know but honestly I am not sure what I want. I broke up with Taylor because I didn't want a permanent relationship yet and Carter is afraid that I will leave him someday. This puts me in a weird position."
"Liv you are overthinking this. It's okay. Just go with the flow and see what happens." She said shrugging and I smiled at her.
"Yeah you are right. Thanks Em." I said and we talked about other stuff for a while. After she was gone, I collected my stuff and went to my shop. I sent a quick text to my mom letting her know that I will in my shop all day and I have something to talk to her this evening. I will let her know about Carter. It felt wrong not doing so because I never hide anything from her.