Stubbornness

1

He looked so dashing at first, I thought he'd be kind enough to at least look at me. This, however unfortunate it was, was true. Ciel did not spare you a single glance, in fact when he extended his hand to you during your time outside he didn't once look you in the eye. You did not completely comprehend his actions, but didn't completely blame him either.

He's in the same position I am. You tried to remind yourself. It's upsetting, but this does not only affect me, it does of the entire future of the family, this will set my future, it is unavoidable. As much heartache as those words gave you, it was still very much true. They pained you, but you could not pity yourself, your were not allowed to.

After all, you were not there to fancy him, you were there to marry him.

You wiped the flawless tear that ran down your cheek alone and held in the rest that dared to follow it. As you grasped the door knob to your new room, you laughed at your way of thinking, that your mum would say, "at least our babies will be cute." Or something like that.

"What are we going to do with you?" You asked yourself, a painful smile sitting on your face.

You ignored the desk and mirror board and made a strait away for the bed, how it looked so comfy in your eyes you felt the need to just pass out, the feeling engulfed you and soon you were back to back on one side of the large bed (the closest to the door) looking like a newly dead person set in a coffin for viewing.

Your dream was nothing short of a nightmare, there you sat on a throne, in a cold dark castle. Everyone bowed to you, they trembled when speaking with you, and from the corner of your eye sight you could see a woman in the shadows.

No, this can't be right. Mum... mum loves me, she would never. She wouldn't use me, I'm not a tool to her, I'm... I'm her daughter, the only thing father left her. I'm not being controlled!

Swarming your head were these thoughts, then something hard fell off your head and hit the floor beneath you. A large, but seemingly small gold crown, toppling down the steps. Everyone began laughing holding a cold ton in their faces, cold and distant.

"Stop... stop laughing, stop ignoring... don't-I'm not a hallucination, I'm not a ghost, IM HERE!" You grabbed your head as it was pounding, like someone was smashing it with a baseball bat and it was a baseball.

A nightmare indeed.

You woke up sweating like you had ran a marathon, a sensation of fear shot up through your feet, through your back and ended at your head. The one fear you had locked away ever since your father passed was now reopened, in the world again, to haunt you forever.

You sat up, a cover had been placed over you, but in the rigid state you were, you didn't fit that together until later. Wiping the sweat you looked around the room you were in, it seemed different and not because of the things in the room, it wasn't like the white and black one at home, it was more colorful. You decided.

The room lit up with little light due to the season. You always appreciated the other season, but Winter had a certain calmness to it. You found it pleasant and pleasing to trudge through the snow in your boots. Your name, may as well be a factor.

♧︎♧︎♧︎

The dream you had last night entirely gone from your mind.