Why Don't You Make Me

9

"I would hold them in my arms every moment I could. I would pamper them and give them everything that their heart desires. I would look into their eyes and tell them that every moment is special when they are there. I would remind them of how amazing they are and be there to support them in every way they need me to be," Leo sighs as he sits up, legs still thrown over the side of the couch. His back faces Fiat. He opens his eyes as he looks down at his lap. "I would show them how much love I have for them. I would gather them in my arms and shower them in that love. Physically and emotionally. There is so much I would love to do, but there are reasons that I am unable to act on them. I'm afraid that taking this next step can also give them a reason to leave and I will lose them. I don't know how they feel and as long as I have them in my life I'm okay with staying the way we are."

Silence looms over the room after Leo finishes and he stretches his body feeling embarrassed. Once again, Leo has revealed his heart to Fiat.

"I think I'm really exhausted. I'm going to go wash up and crash. You should too. Don't stay up too late. You still have work in the day," Leo stands and turns to Fiat with a smile. Fiat is sat in the same position as earlier. His head bowed as his hands fumble at his lap. "I had a bed added to the office the other day. Figured that it should have been a spare room anyway and there's no issue to share it with the computer. Feel free to use it if you want. I'll head in now."

Leo rambles as if Fiat has not been in his home before. He turns away and heads straight for his room, not giving in to the temptation to look back at Fiat to know if he was being followed. Leo leaves the door slightly ajar, hoping that Fiat will slip in later.

However, when Leo steps out of the bathroom, his room is empty and his bed is untouched. His eyes lower and he slides between the cold sheets and stares up at the ceiling. While talking, he wanted to let Fiat know that it was him, but at the same time he was afraid. Afraid that Fiat will run. Afraid that Fiat will look at him with disgust and laugh in his face. They are friends, some may say like brothers....

Having history of growing up together and their parents being as close as they were, it is only natural that they take on brotherly roles.

Natural. A concept that Leo is questioning as he falls asleep, alone in his bed. What is human nature and the societal construction of natural?

Leo begins to dream and crazily, it is him and Fiat living in the drama land of the series that they had watched months ago.

"Leo," the wide eyed young boy stares up at the tall man with tears running down his face. Leo tries to approach him only for the other to step back.

"Don't! I won't approach you. Just don't move your feet. The bowl is still shattered on the ground. You'll get cut. Let me clean up okay? I don't want you to get hurt," he rushes out and explains his every movement. He wills himself to not shed any tears as his heart clenched tightly. Their past haunts them with every reminder of their lives together.

"Leo," Fiat whimpers.

"It'll be okay, Fiat. Just let me clean up," Leo mumbles as he crouches onto the ground to clean the tiny broken pieces. When he dumps them into the trash he looks down at his hands, cuts adorn his skin, some just nick the top layer, others cause blood to poke out and fill the lines of the surface. He moves to run his hands under the sink and clenches his jaw as a dull sting greets him as the red drains down the basin. "I- I don't know what this means for us, but we did not die for our love for no reason. We did not suffer through that pain and meet again to not love each other again. I love you, Fiat. I always have and I'm sure I always will. I don't expect you to suffer in pain, but I just want to let you know, that I love you."