????????? ????.

"i just feel like this will be a waste of time. i just know he's lying. he was always off since the moment i met him. like how doe-"

"nova i watch you spend so many hours a day tryna find yo' birth family and now that a nigga comin' to you sayin' he yo' brother you wanna act stubborn. for what? ain't this whatchu wanted to happen?" he asked me.

"why does it seem like you're forcing me to talk with him? are y'all setting me up? this is why i should've stayed at the hotel room." i said as i stood up from the floor. "everybody i come across has done nothing but bring me down. i don't know why i expected different from you."

"how the fuck i'm putting you down when i'm tryna encourage you to talk to the same nigga you spent 11 years of yo' life searching fa? you sound dumb as fuck mane. miss me with that bullshit nova." he got out of the bed and walked out the room.

"you don't have to curse at me kaiser." i followed behind him, eyes blurred from tears.

"then you do that shit when you start acting like a child. that bitch ass cryin' you doin' cause a nigga want what's best for you. as much shit you done been through i would expect you to have a backbone or at least want better for yourself. grow the fuck up nova." he walked downstairs.

"the shit i been through?" i followed after him, "you mean watching my mother get strangled until she was unconscious? oh you must mean when i was being beat at the age of 7. or how about when i was being sexually assaulted at the age of 14? or maybe it was when i was having thoughts of harming myself at 15 because i felt like i had nothing else to live for. that shit was supposed to toughen me up?" i asked.

"you know what the fuck i meant nova. then it's like you use the shit you been through as an excuse to act the way you act. you play that sympathy card way too much and i'm starting to see straight through that shit." he walked in the living room and i followed behind him.

"how do i act kaiser? like anyone with trauma would act right?" i raised an eyebrow. "i literally should've stayed at the hotel room like i planned to do."

"you realize i was gon be around regardless whether you was here or at that room right?" he asked.

"how?"

"i was paying for the room dummy you was gon see me everyday." he said.

"it never fails." i chuckled and threw my hands up in the air. "anything you ever offered to me i declined it because i was always afraid of you throwing shit back in my face like everybody else. now look."

"what is you yappin' bout now nova?" he sighed in frustration.

"yapping? did you not just throw the fact that you paid for a hotel room for me back in my face?" i raised my eyebrows.

"you pissing me off."

"after i sat here having long talks with you about people doing this type of stuff to me, you turn around and do the same thing." i cried.

"you and me both know ian mean that shit in no way to make you feel like it was being thrown back in yo' face. it's like you want me to be against you nova what the fuck is yo' problem today?" he asked, his face reading nothing but anger.

"you're really hurting my feelings."

"ion give a fuck nova you getting out yo' body and ian doin' shit but tryna help you. i'm still stuck on this 'set up' shit. fuck ima set you up for? what ima get outta that?"

"what do you get outta helping somebody then throwing it back in their face?" i asked as hot tears ran down my face. "it's like you been feeling like this."

"aight nova." he walked past me and headed back upstairs.

i let my tears cover my face for a good ten minutes before i headed upstairs and went to the guest room, grabbing my suitcase. i put everything i brought when i ran away from sherry's house, leaving anything kaiser bought.

"where you goin'?" i heard him walk in. i looked back and saw him standing in the doorway with his arms crossed before turning back to what i was doing. "it ain't that serious to where you gotta leave."

"leave me alone." i mumbled, tears steadily falling.

"this could've been sum we talked out and got over. whatchu leaving for?" he asked and i continued ignoring him.

once i got everything in my suitcase i stood up and put it on the bed before walking to the bathroom. "ain't nothin' even in that suitcase nova."

"i said leave me alone."

"i'm not finna let you go walking nowhere by yourself." he sighed.

"now you care?" i grabbed my toothbrush and hygiene products before walking back into the room and putting them in the suitcase.

"i never stopped caring za'nova. you cant let one lil argument drive you to leave. how you expect us to have a relationship if you giving up on us so fast?" he asked.

"fuck 'us.' i'm giving you space isn't that what you want?" i asked, sitting on the bed and putting my shoes on.

"i never asked you for space." he said.

the room fell silent.

"at least lemme drop you off to wherever you tryna go." he rubbed his hand over his face. "i really don't want you walking nowhere by yourself."

"spanky's house." i mumbled.

"aight," he frowned, "let's go."

$$$

2 updates in one day? i think y'all should forgive me love me for always and eternity period.

072221.