The Spaces In Between

[37] My Favorite Person

“But why?” I questioned him.

The tentative smile that had been on his lips for the entirety of our conversation slipped into a deep scowl and he huffed. Good, he’s a bit annoyed. “Ang panget kaya pakinggan ng cute,” he spat, using his right hand to do the “air quotes” thing he’d adapted from me. “Why is it even a word, anyway? And FYI, I am not cute.”

“Oo na, hindi ka na cute! You’re hot, sexy, handsome, attractive, seductive, titillating, alluring, hottie, mackadocious sex on wheels bangable hot stuff,” I recited proudly. We had an argument months ago and he challenged me to find other words to describe him besides cute. Aba sorry siya, forte ko ata ang pagreresearch ng words!

I could’ve sworn his eyes grew wide at my last words. “Mackadocious sex on wheels bangable hot stuff?” he repeated, his tone almost disgusted. “What the fuck?”

“They’re words, obviously.”

“I know, but really? Wala naman yan sa Merriam-Webster or Oxford!”

“Wow, besties na kayo nina Merriam at Oxford? Ni hindi ka nga nagbabasa ng paperback eh! And FYI, those were slangs. Search mo sa urban dictionary, Sir,” sinadya kong gamitin ang all-knowing tone para mas mainis siya. “God, and I thought I’m the hopeless one…”

“Minutes ago yung cute ang topic natin ah. Ba’t nasa dictionary na tayo?”

“Ah basta! Don’t call me haggard.”

“Then don’t call me cute.”

“Goodness Andreau, for a guy who hates that word, you sure say it a lot.”

“Wha—“

“Can we just meet halfway he—“

“Nope,” he replied, popping the ‘p’ and leaning back his seat.

Kaya kong tiisin ang Annoying Andreau ng ilang oras.. pero ibang usapan na kapag sinaniban na siya ni Persistent Andreau. He knew very well kung gaano ako naiinis kapag magkasabay ang dalawang modes na ‘yon (though hindi niya alam na may nicknames ako for those) at sinasadya niya ‘to para bumigay ako. Well he’s wrong. Malas niya na ako pa ang tinalo niya.

“Fine,” I said in mock resignation. Napangiti naman agad ang loko. “Ayaw mo ha? The next time I set foot in your condo, I will rearrange your DVD collection in reverse chronological order, genres combined. Pati guguluhin ko rin ang arrangement ng Top 100 shelf mo. Ilalagay ko yung Fight Club sa Number 80-100 row.”

Andreau froze in his seat and swore under his breath. “Don’t you dare, Zades.”

Boy, did I dare to do that. Other than inflicting physical pain (which would definitely hurt me in the end), ayan na ang pinakamalalang bagay na kaya kong gawin kay Andreau. My God, he’s super OC with his DVD collection! Mas mahal pa niya ata ‘yon kesa sa buhay niya at todo alaga siya, parang over protective dad! Of course I had to learn this the hard way. One time kasi hiniram ko ang Blu-ray ng Atonement para sa isang subject ko. I wasn’t aware na may critical arrangement pala ang DVDs niya so basta ko na lang nilagay sa shelf yung case. Minutes later ayun, sinermunan niya ako at binigyan ng crash course sa Cortez’ DVD Do’s and Don’ts. Akala ko last stretch ng pagiging choleric niya ang Gantt charts at endless to-do lists. May mas malala pa pala! Meron siyang listahan (hardcopy at softcopy na meron sa iPad, phone at laptop. I bet may backup ‘yon sa Google Drive niya) ng lahat ng DVDs niya in different arrangements, all color coded depending on the genre, year etc. Triple shit talaga, kulang na lang gumawa siya ng sarili niyang Dewey Decimal System para sa DVDs!

“Not only that,” I continued, completely undeterred by his death glares. “Pagpapalitin ko rin ang CDs sa loob. I bet magwawala ka kapag nagising kai sang umaga na CD na ng Hi-5 ang laman ng The Godfather II case mo!”