Finding Forgiveness

Chapter 6

"Okay," she replies shakily not know what really to expect. "You know what I want, but it's up to you. I give you everything. It's all at your feet, whatever it is you want I won't fight you. I deserve what's coming."

I lift my butt up slight off the couch to take the folder from my back pocket. I unroll it before putting it on the coffee table to show Steffy.

She leans over, looking at the annulment papers, her face going pale. "Annulment papers? You are trying to give me annulment papers? Liam, no. No. No. No. You know that's the one thing I can't say yes to. This marriage means too much to me. My love for you means too much to sign this. I can't do it. I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. I can never express how deep it is. I know that I deserve this, I really do, I just...you know how I feel. Please," she begs tears beginning to form once again. "I will give you a divorce if that's really what you want, but I won't do this. I don't care if it cost me the last ounce of respect or love that you might have for me," she confesses softly looking away from me.

"Steffy, Steffy, please—please hold on," I beg softly as I take her hand. I rub my thumb over it. "Steffy, please let me say what I need to say. Please, hear me out."

She nods at me to continue, unable to form words.

I sigh knowing that there is no going back. "After all was revealed yesterday, you have no idea how angry I was. There are no words to truly describe the anger I felt, the hatred, and disgust and how deep it ran. You and my dad were the two people I trusted in the world the most and you betrayed me together."

"I know, Liam, I know how I've hurt you...I'm—"

"Steffy, please let me say this to you, and afterwards you can say all you want to me and ask whatever you want, okay?" I say softly.

"Okay," she whispers.

"You can't imagine what that confession did, and how powerful those emotions were. I never felt more disgust and hatred in my life. I honestly didn't know how I was going to ever see anything but that. Just the thought of my dad's hands on you, being with you in that way, made me sick to my stomach. It's all I could see no matter how hard I tried."

I lick my lips. "My worst fear was coming true. I lost you and what we had together. I wasn't sure if I could ever look beyond that. I am still not sure. My heart is in a million pieces right now and I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to heal from this. I never thought I'd be in a situation like this. I trusted you with everything that I had, and you just—just did the worst possible thing."

Steffy continues to listen to my words as the tears occasionally roll down her cheek. I can tell how much it's taking out of her to hold back the tears.

"After having the most shit day and most of the night, I found myself at are bar and drank myself into a stupor."

"Oh Liam, you don't drink, and the fact that I led you to do something that stupid, makes me feel even more awful. You obviously weren't thinking straight. I'm sorry."

"Steffy, no one forced my hand to go there. There's no one to blame but myself. When I was there drinking beyond words, an older gentleman, John, I think his name was and scolded me for being in there, and not dealing with my problems. He told me I'd end up like one of them in there if I didn't rectify my problems. He told me to sleep it off, clear my conscious, and come home to work it out. He said basically that it may not work out the way we want it to but that we owed it to our child to address the situation in a stable, not heated, loving and clear mind. I had too much anger to do it yesterday."