Finding Forgiveness

Chapter 6

Steffy gives me a perplexed look. "Liam, you are the most honorable, committed, and loving person I've ever met. You are amazing and I love you so much."

I chuckle in irony, looking down at our clasped hands. "If I could only see now that when you look at me. Steffy, I am not who you think I am and I understand why you did what you did, even if I hate what you did. I am not one to not forgive you, when how many times you've forgiven me, and put your happiness above mine. I drove you too it. It was the straw that broke the camel's back after years of betrayals by me."

"I'm not the man I claim to be. I've hurt you time after time, and yet you've always forgiven me. For years, I went back and forth between you and Hope, never being truly committed to either one of you. We were always so happy when we were together, we had all the love and happiness in the world. We were finally able to enjoy life together. But, I couldn't ever just be happy with that, stay committed, or focused on that and what we share together. Instead, I'd be "committed" to you but not really committed. I'd let Hope kiss me, Ivy kiss me, Sally kiss me. I'd let them declare their love for me, give them a sense of hope that there could be more between us. I'd give them false hope, all while you are home being the most faithful and loving wife you could be. I was wrong to do those things. I was a coward, who liked my ego stroked, and I never once thought what I was doing to you all those time, how you might feel. Even when I would confess what I did, you were always so gracious and forgave me for my constant actions." I run my hand through my hair. "You didn't have to forgive me. You could've washed my hands of me a long time ago."

I pick up Steffy's chin, while placing my other hand on her leg. I give her a smile. "But you never washed your hands, you never gave up, instead you would always rise above it all and move forward. You have never once thrown any of my indiscretions or mistakes in my face. You always fought for us."

"I've always tried my best. I don't always succeed, but I do it, because I do love you so much and we belong together. I've always felt that and have believed it, since that day you saved me in the tub."

"We belong together, you know that," Steffy says smiling her radiant smile at me.

I know it and feel it better than my own name. It's taken me a long time to truly realize it, but we do in fact belong together. Now, that we are together, nothing will ever pull us a part again. I love her so much. "I do," I smile back at her feeling a small amount of peace fill my chest, as I lean into her, cupping her face to kiss her passionately.

I smile at the memory. "I do too," I say as I bring her hand up to my lips and place a soft kiss upon it.

She looks up at me slightly confused at my gesture. She licks her lips as her mouth falls open. I think she's afraid to speak in fear that she might be hearing things. I give her a smile, before placing another kiss on her hand. "What are you saying, Liam? Are you—you are..." she stammers unable to get the words out.

"What I am saying Steffy, is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I am sorry for how I reacted yesterday. I am sorry that I allowed you to get on your hands and knees and beg me to stay, and I did nothing, but walk away. I'm sorry for all I put you through these last years. I'm sorry for not being the faithful husband I promised to be. I'm sorry for making you feel like you aren't important and putting everything and everyone before you. I'm sorry for not addressing and taking care of your needs, failing to see them, because I was so wrapped up in whatever cause of the day it was. You should never feel like that you are second to anyone. You should be my first priority and I'm so sorry you weren't."

I gulp in shame, almost afraid to go on, but knowing before we move on, all of this needs to be forced into the open. All needs to be said or neither of us can ever move on or truly be whole again. "Under any normal circumstance, and from knowing you all these years and how you operate and react to things, I know that if you didn't always have that small voice in the back of your head wondering if you were truly first and important and reminding you of all the times I've failed you in the past, chose other things and people over you and your needs, that night between you and my dad would've never happened."

"My dad preyed on your vulnerabilities and fears to get to me."

I shift a bit to get more comfortable, as I pull Steffy closer to me, putting my arm around her. Just the soft touch of our bodies together, immediately settles my pounding heart, and my body visibly relaxes as her does the same.

"On top of all my mistakes, and selfishness, I know for a fact you would've handled that a lot better if I didn't give you the final straw from years of weighted straw on your back. To add to it all, I know that you were most likely already pregnant by the time we had the fight about Sally, and I'm sure your emotions were running high and your pregnancy hormones were probably all over the place, so that didn't help you in processing and dealing with it in a more appropriate way."

"Oh Liam," she cries. "You have no idea what this means."

"Please forgive me, Steffy," I request. I get down on the floor in front of her before taking her hand again. "Please forgive me for my actions. I'm sorry for all the pain, I've caused you. It's on me. I love you so much, I'm not saying it's going to be easy to get by this, and I'm not saying that there isn't a lot of work ahead of us, but I am willing to do whatever it takes, whatever we need to do."

"I can't imagine my life without you," I profess meaning it with every fiber of my being. "The last thing Wyatt said to me was that I needed to think about my life and how I would feel if you were to permanently walk away from me, wash your hands and say, 'I've had enough of fighting for someone that wouldn't do the same for me."

"Liam, I would never do that. I love you so much and our baby. You and this baby are my life. I never thought it was possible to love two people so much, to love this baby who isn't even in this world yet so much. I want the best for my child. I know that, fighting for our family forever is the best thing. I will do whatever it takes to heal and prove to you how much I love you, am committed to you and how deeply sorry I am to you for all the pain that I have caused."

"You say that now, that you could never walk away, but honestly Steffy, I'm surprised you didn't do that a long time ago. I've given you reason after reason. At some point something would have had to give." I rub her leg softly. "Even though you should've, I'm so grateful to you that you didn't. I love you, Steffy and I love the baby that's growing inside of you, the baby we made together."

Impulsively Steffy, takes my face into her hands and runs her thumbs across my scruff, sending chills down my side. She stares into my eyes, and I can't help but smile. She places a soft kiss on my lips.

"So, does this mean I can come home to you and to our baby?" I ask with sincerity. "I want to be here for it all. I don't want to miss one more second than I already have. I don't want to have the regrets that I know I will have, if I stay away a moment longer from you. So, please, please let me come home?"