The Headmaster's Only Mistake

Professor Sprout's Pride and Joy

"Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young." She gestured towards a row of deep trays as she spoke, and everyone shuffled forward for a better look. A hundred or so tufty little plants, purplish green in colour, were growing there in rows. They looked quite unremarkable to anyone who wouldn't know better, but Harry shuddered at the sight of them, the images of ugly, wrinkly, babies kicking and screaming flashing in his mind. 

"Everyone, take a pair of earmuffs." Instructed Professor Sprout sternly. 

Harry picked up the earmuffs nearest to him, not minding the fact that they were a pale pink or fluffy. 

"You think these will look good on me?" He asked Tracy quietly, a smirk on his face. 

Tracy snorted, a glint in her eye. "I think you'll look bloody marvellous, as you always do. Cream of the crop, you are." 

She gave him an exaggerated wink and they both dissolved into a quiet fit of giggles. 

"When I tell you to put them on, make sure your ears are completely covered," said Professor Sprout. "When it is safe to remove them, I will give you the thumbs-up. Right — earmuffs on." 

Harry put the pink earmuffs over his ears; they shut out sound completely. He turned to Tracy and vogued at her for a second. She gave him a sly smile and a thumbs up. Hermione elbowed him lightly and give him a pointed look, one that clearly said, 'pay attention, you idiots'. 

Professor Sprout put a black pair of earmuffs over her own ears, rolled up the sleeves of her robes, grasped one of the tufty plants firmly, and pulled hard. Harry could see a few of his classmates' jaws drop while others silently gasped in horror and stumbled back. Harry grimaced at the disgusting sight in his professor's hand. 

Instead of roots, a small, muddy, and extremely ugly baby popped out of the earth. The leaves were growing right out of its head. It had pale green, mottled skin, and was clearly bawling at the top of its lungs. Hermione made a repulsed face and somewhere along the line, Mandy fell onto Anthony Goldstein in her struggle to scramble away from the crying plant. Blaise turned pale and gripped Theo and Luna's arm tightly, eyes wide. 

'Oh my God that is so disgusting. What even is that?' the vaguely revolted voice of Draco Malfoy said in his head. 

'Are you doing Mandrakes? We did those this morning.' Neville asked kindly. 

'Yes,' Harry responded. 'It's horrible.' 

Neville laughed before leaving the connection. 

'I hate him.' Dracc muttered.

Professor Sprout took a large plant pot from under the table and plunged the Mandrake into it, burying it in dark, damp compost until only the tufted leaves were visible. Professor Sprout dusted off her hands, gave them all the thumbs-up, and removed her own earmuffs. 

"As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet," she said calmly, as though she'd done nothing more exciting than water a Begonia. "However, they will knock you out for several hours, and as I'm sure none of you want to miss your first day back, make sure your earmuffs are securely in place while you work. I will attract your attention when it is time to pack up". 

"Four to a tray — there is a large supply of pots here — compost in the sacks over there — and be careful of the Venomous Tentacula, it's teething." She gave a sharp slap to the spiky red plant that had lunged at students at the beginning of class as she spoke, making it draw in the long feeler that had been inching sneakily over her shoulder. 

Professor sprout looked them over and grimaced; "Make that four to a tray and two groups of five. Twenty-six is not a multiple of four." She added as an afterthought.