Suicidal Ideation『Depressed Todoroki』

#15 | Promise I'm Thinking, Overthinking Quite A lot

"I guess both? I thought about suicide before, and have sometimes thought about the way I wanted to die. There were times I almost did but backed out. But that day, I was set on it. There was nothing holding me back. It was like at that moment, the switch that held all my doubts turned off and-" Shouto shut up as soon as he understood what he said. He had definitely overshared.

Haru wrote something down on her clipboard. "Okay, thank you." Her face seemed to have softened up a bit.

She then asked a bit about his family. For Natsuo and Fuyumi, he answered swiftly, with little to no detail. For Touya and his parents, he didn't say much. Haru understood, seemingly postponing them for a later session.

"Thank you, Shouto. Almost done, I just wanted to resurface my earlier question. About your history of self-harm." She said looking up.

Shouto swallowed the lump in his throat, "It started at 8. I started thinking about suicide at 10," He answered.

She wrote what he said quickly, standing up. "Thank you, Shouto. You were much more cooperative than I would've dreamed. I will make sure to keep a reminder of that."

They both left his room, seeing Aizawa and Hizashi sitting in the living room.

"Have a nice day." She bowed slightly, taking her leave.

『✰❦✰』

"What are you doing Shouto?!" Endeavor yelled, witnessing Shouto playing with Fuyumi and Natsuo.

Shouto froze, fear rushing over him at a pace way too fast for his liking. He didn't understand. His father wasn't supposed to be back until tomorrow. Why was he back today?

"What did I tell you about interacting with these failures?!"

Why? Why did he let his guard down? He should've known.

Endeavor hadn't waited for Shouto to respond, grabbing his arm roughly and dragging him away. It hurt. It burned. And the more Shouto fought back, the more unbearable the pain became.

"Please...Stop. It hurts." He begged.

It was then, right at that moment, Shouto lost all hope. The trace of aspiration that never seemed to leave him had finally escaped. He was never going to be free. No one would ever save them.

Endeavor had been furious at hearing Shouto beg. The training had been brutal. Worse than any Shouto had ever experienced. At some moments, he wished his father would just end it all and kill him.

He stumbled out of the training room, tears piling in his eyes. He ached. Everywhere. He was astonished his limbs were able to hold his weight. He ran. And didn't stop until he shut the door to his room, finally collapsing once inside.

He felt his conscious slowly drifting away. He panicked. Everything was blurring, and his head was throbbing. There were voices screaming at him.

'Worthless.'

'Failure.'

Shouto caught sight of something in the corner of his eye. He stood up, slowly walking over to it. He felt nothing. No pain. No sorrow. No guilt. Nothing. His hands shook as he picked up what he had caught sight of.

'You deserve this.'

Shouto placed the scissors up to his forearm.

'Do it.'

'Now.'

The metal slowly glided down Shouto's arm, the metallic blood peeking out of the cut. Soon it was gushing. Shouto sat mesmerized, a glint in his eyes and a smile on his face.