Suicidal Ideation『Depressed Todoroki』

#15 | Promise I'm Thinking, Overthinking Quite A lot

'I deserve this.'

...

Shouto sprung into a sitting position, hair stuck to his forehead while sweat paced down his face. His breaths were shallow as he struggled to gain his composure.

'Just a dream.'

Shouto laid back in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He kept staring, waiting for sleep to lull him over. He sighed, frustrated. He hadn't had that dream in 4 years. It was the first time Shouto had ever attempted self-harm. That was what had started it all. 4 years, and now he remembers. He silently cursed the therapist.

Sitting up, Shouto caught a glimpse of the clock.

'3:54 AM'

He stared, his eyes refusing to leave it. Slowly, his body started feeling limp while everything seemed to blur together. 5 minutes passed before Shouto suddenly blinked again, finally able to see.

'4:47 AM'

Shouto fell back in his bed, a long sigh escaping him. He could have sworn only 5 minutes had passed. He spent another hour attempting to sleep until he fell into a light slumber.

It hadn't lasted long before he stumbled awake again after another nightmare.

'6:17 AM'

He had only slept for 30 minutes. He stood from the bed, clumsily making his way to the closest to pull out his school uniform. He wanted to jump back in bed and forget that he had ever existed. He gained a total of 2 hours of sleep. Not ideal, but he had worked with worse.

Leaving his room fully dressed, he made his way to the kitchen. Hizashi and Aizawa bickering quietly slowly turned into 'good mornings' when they saw Shouto.

"Morning." He whispered sitting down on the kitchen stool.

"Sleep well, little listener?" Hizashi asked, taking a bite of his breakfast.

"Yeah, I guess."

Aizawa did not buy it. "You sure? You sound tired. You can skip school today if you want." He offered.

"No, It's fine."

Shouto had shown his vulnerabilities multiple times in front of both of them, they didn't need to know about his nightmares. He would burden them. His plaguing thoughts weren't worth their concern.

Aizawa reluctantly let it go, giving Shouto his food.

Shouto picked and prodded at it, taking small bites every now and then.

"At least eat half of it," Aizawa said, startling Shouto.

Shouto slowly consumed half. He nearly gagged 5 times. Finally, he slid the bowl away from him, standing up and picking up his bag. Hizashi, Aizawa, and Shouto all left the apartment, going to where the car was parked.

The drive was silent. Shouto preferred it to be and didn't make an effort to change it. All he had to do was get past the day, then he could finally return to his bed.

They soon stopped at UA. Getting out, Aizawa and Shouto parted ways with Hizashi. Then, Aizawa and Shouto parted ways as Aizawa had something to do before class started.

Shouto walked alone in the halls, making his way to his class. He was exhausted, but couldn't find the strength to face his nightmares. His posture was stiff and by the time he made it to Class 1-A, he was basically dragging his feet.

He entered the class, ignoring all the welcomes. He sat down in his seat, putting his arms on the desk and placing his head in them.

'Just have to pass the day.'