Suicidal Ideation『Depressed Todoroki』

#15 | Promise I'm Thinking, Overthinking Quite A lot

He thought that for the entire day as he sat through classes on top of classes, barely comprehending any information. He was sure he was about to pass out any second before the bell ringing sounded in his ears.

Finally. School's over.

He rushed out of the class, meeting Hizashi and Aizawa on the way to the car. The drive back was the same as the drive there. Quiet. Shouto got out of the car as soon as they arrived, entering the apartment. He thanked the two for the drive and entered his room.

As soon as he sunk into the bed, he closed his eyes, attempting to sleep.

He couldn't.

No matter how tired he was, the thought of sleeping and dealing with his traumatizing childhood kept him awake.

So he lied, again, in his bed, staring at the ceiling.

『✰❦✰』

Days went by and Shouto stayed in the same schedule.

The bags under his eyes were starting to grow and so was the concern of his classmates and teachers. He always dismissed them with an 'I'm fine' or 'don't worry about it'. Shouto felt as though he was progressing, just backward. He refused to talk with his therapist and barely ate.

The lack of food and sleep was starting to weigh him down. He couldn't focus in class and could barely control his quirk.

It was 4 AM, Shouto lying in bed with dull eyes.

"Every day the children seem more like him"

Shouto turned.

"Unsightly."

He turned again.

"All I can see is his father. I can't raise him anymore. I want to run away from this life."

Shouto sat up.

"Mom? What are you saying?"

Shouto scrambled out of bed and out of his room. The whistling kept getting louder as he gripped the left side of his face. He ran into the washroom, shutting the door.

"Shut up." He whispered as his nails bite deeper into his skin.

He shut his eyes as tears escaped them. The whistling of his memory started to fade instead replaced by a new sound.

"Cut." The voice whispered. "You know you deserve it."

It kept repeating the same thing. Shouto started to wheeze as he gripped his face harder. Blood seeped down from where his fingernail left indents.

Cut. 

Shouto attempted to stand up, his face meeting the mirror. 

Cut.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shutup."

Soon, Shouto heard nothing but buzzing, while his eyes blurred. He blinked repeatedly, his vision slowly returning. He was met with a shattered mirror, shards on the counter and the floor. He stared at his hand, which he could now tell was seething in pain. Shards were stuck in his knuckles as blood coated the majority of his hand. Shouto's breathing picked up as he looked around at the mess he caused. Suddenly, a piece of the mirror caught his eyesight.

Cut.

Shouto's shaking hand reached for the shard.

'I shouldn't. Aizawa will be mad. But he's going to be mad anyway. I broke the mirror. I deserve this.'

He placed it up to his forearm.

'I deserve this.'

He slid the shard down his arm, making sure to leave a deep cut. Only after blood started making its way down his arm and the unbearable pain became too hard to ignore did Shouto start panicking.

"What did I do? I didn't mean to. I-I can't-"

Shouto's breaths weren't getting enough air in his lungs. He fell on his knees as he attempted to hold pressure onto the cut. His hand was plastered in blood while the floor had also had a deep puddle of it. His eyes drooped, black dots dancing in his vision as the buzzing in his ears faded.

"I didn't mean to..."

The sound of someone opening the door was clear, but he was too weak to do anything. The last of his might left his body, his vision suddenly turning black.

Words: 2390

The title is from the song "Dear Parents...", by Tate McRae

I'm back!

If you didn't read the note on my profile, I am not cutting this story short! I changed my mind and somehow regained my motivation. Although I changed the ending to this chapter like 10 times and I still don't like it. Oh well.

I sure do love my angst. Poor Shouto. He can never catch a break. We're not done with the angst yet though! But soon, I will be focusing more on comfort, since my baby obviously deserves that.

Thank you for 4k views and all the amazing comments!

Have an amazing Morning/Afternoon/Night!

I love you all, byee!

✰__startover✰