Spirals || Mattheo Riddle

Chapter 25 ~ The beginning of the end

Draco slowly opened the door with a shaky hand and out flew the grey bird. It sat on one of the rafters above our heads, looking down at us almost disapprovingly.

The blond boy turned to me, with the colour drained from his face and a tremble in his body.

I felt the blood leaving my head and my breathing cut short.

We both knew what this meant, leaving fear in our minds and bodies.

I walked forward and wrapped my arms around him, placing my head on his shoulder.

His hands came around my back and he hugged me back tightly.

We stood like that for a long time, both processing what we had done.

What we had done.

This was the beginning of the end, we both knew it.

...

Many hours later, I found myself unable to sleep. 

My chest was filled with guilt and every time I let my mind wander, it filled with images of my classmates being attacked or dying at the hands of the deatheaters who I just helped into the school.

I shook my head, trying to make the images disapate, but they would not.

Pansy was asleep in her bed next to me, snoring lightly.

The cold was almost comforting as my toes touched the cold wood of the floor.

It was coming to winter and the air no longer held the scent of fallen leaves or pumpkin. 

I grabbed a spare blanket that I kept at the foot of my bed, wrapping it around me and slowly making my way to the door.

The fire in the common room was inviting and provided warmth that my soul no longer held.

There was something about sitting in front of a fire during the night. The smell and look of the flames was hypnotic at best.

But as I walked over to place myself on one of the velvet couches, I found it already occupied

"What are you doing up Riddle?" I asked the dark haired boy on the couch.

He didn't turn to face me, didn't smile or make some joke.

He just continued staring into the flames, looking as though he wished they would eat him up.

"Mattheo?" I asked quietly.

I walked around the couch, standing in between him and the fire.

His gaze was blocked and he lifted his head slowly to glare at me, burning holes through the fragile walls I still held up.

"Whats wrong?" My voice was filled with concern, wondering what was going on with him.

His eyebrows raised and he rolled his tongue in his cheek. "Can you fuck off?"

I was taken aback, not expecting this random cruelness. I stepped to the side, coherently giving him view of the fire again which he returned to staring at.

"What the fuck is your problem?" My previous concern and joking gone.

His lips rose in a evil smile, amused by the irony of my question.

"You. You are my fucking problem. You follow me around and annoy me to no end," he spat out.

I knitted my eyebrows together, confused and somewhat hurt. "What are you on about?"

"Do me a favour, and leave me the fuck alone."

I moved away from the couch, closer to the fire, though his angry gaze was on me now. It made me shrink back slightly, in both fear and hurt.

His words and attitude were sudden, surprising. I couldn't think of what I could have possibly done to deserve this.

Oh but you can, a small voice in the back of my head sang.

Memories of me telling him about my birth and... problem, filled my brain, making me shudder. Surely that was not the reason why. He had been so kind about it when I told him.

"So what was all of this then? A game?" I spat back angrily. My voice cracked slightly but he didn't seem to notice.

"Of course it was. I used you." He leaned forward with a expression of pure hatred. "What else is an infertile whore like you good for?"

It felt like my chest caved in at his words and pain seemed to flood through my body and veins.

I never responded. I just turned and left as quickly as I could.

Tears poured down my face, though at the time I was not aware of them. 

I ran back to my dorm, going into the bathroom before locking it and casting a silencing charm. 

My sobs echoed around me, only to be heard by my ears. If anyone was to ask me to describe the pain that I felt, I would tell them I was drowning.

My lungs wouldn't bring in air, my sight and hearing was as if I was underwater.

I was vaguely aware that I was probably having a panic attack but I couldn't have cared less. I curled up on the bathroom floor, rocking myself into a numbed state.

Pansy found me the next morning, still curled in a ball and with swollen eyes from crying. She asked many times what had happened but I just shook my head, not wanting to even think about it.

Later, it would anger me how much control he had over my emotions. How he was able to effect me so much.

In all fairness, I had told him my deepest secret, and he had used it as a weapon.

Mattheo Riddle was a cruel and horrible human being, that was something I had decided that night.

Pansy simply had held me, even as I fell asleep against her shoulder and slept away my sorrows. 

We took the day off, Pansy providing some much needed firewhiskey. I didn't drink much of it, not wanting to be out of control but the numbing effect it brought was comforting. 

I wouldn't go as far to say I was heartbroken. I didn't love him.

But he was someone I cared for and stupidly, trusted.

Betrayal came in many forms, I had known some but none as cruel as this. 

His words replayed in my head over and over again, breaking down my self esteem and ego with a couple of sentences. It amazed me how fragile a person could be when their exterior walls had been taken down. And that is what I had done with Mattheo. 

I had let down my walls, for the first time in a long time. And he threw it back in my face.

Part of me wanting to barge into his dorm and demand answers, even though I knew it would just hurt me more.

The other two parts were fighting ruthlessly in my brain, trying to decide who would win.

One wanted to curl away forever and never see his face again, knowing it would fuel my self pity and be giving into weakness.

The other wanted to go to class, make myself look pretty and flip him off as I made out with some random guy in the corridor. 

Both seemed like good options, they do say pain grows confidence.

I gave the day to myself to regain my confidence and pull my shit together, as one occasionally needs, and made my plans for tomorrow, conveniently the last day of term.

After that, it was back home and then to Malfoys with a week of getting drunk and running rampid.

My father had owled me, telling me of a Christmas party he planned to throw during the first week. I was looking forward to it, not knowing what was to come.

It was all only the beginning.

A/N: Kinda losing a bit of motivation at the moment so updates might be slow sorry, lots coming though xx