Fragile

Chapter 34

My heart ached at the thought. "How did you find me?" 

"we heard rumors of a woman and a girl squatting under a building at the edge of town," he said. "I knew it was a long shot, since I'd figured you had been long gone by then, but I called in a favor anyways to have someone investigate. I knew the second Lucinda called." 

I blinked. "Nurse Lucy?" I gaped. "s-she knew?" 

He nodded. "I asked her to take care of you," he admitted. "she used to fix me up back when I was living on the streets. I checked in with her regularly at the hospital in case you had shown up." 

I couldn't help but feel betrayed. "so I was just a charity case to you? Did you pay to keep me out of foster care? Were you the reason I got to stay in the hospital for 2 years?" My chest rattled with something dark and sinister as I waited for him to deny it. He didn't. "So all that 'government grant' bullshit was a lie?" 

"I didn't want you to think you owed me," he insisted. "you didn't even remember anything about me. I thought it was best to protect you from a distance." 

My veins boiled with rage, giving me enough energy to prop myself up awkwardly. "So you just left me to figure everything out on my own? You knew everything I wanted to know about myself, all this time, and you never said anything? Did you pick my fucking school out too?" silence. I let out a disbelieving laugh. "You're fucking kidding me." 

I was surprised at myself for being so crass with my words, but I also didn't care. Noah looked like a kicked puppy in his chair, as if he was ashamed to even raise his head. "I didn't pick it out. I just saw that Colorado offered free tuition for kids in foster care. I just asked Lucinda to give you the brochure," he admitted. 

"So my entire life since I was rescued. Hell, even my rescue itself, was all planned by you?" I asked. "Every choice I thought I was making for me-" 

"Fay, I never once forced you into anything," he said. "Everything was your choice. I just tried to give you those options. I didn't want you to be like me." 

"Did you ever think of asking me what I wanted?" I demanded. 

"A normal life," he said. "I knew you watched all these high school movies front and back. Hell, I bought them for you at Lucinda's request. You loved trying new things, from suturing to the quadratic formula. You wanted a normal life, Fay, so I did everything I could to give it to you." 

My eyes burned. He was right, there was a time I had wanted a normal life. I wanted friends, and a normal family, with a normal past and other normal things a college kid had. I wanted all the things that had been taken from me, an education, a social life, a family. It wasn't until in that moment, tied to a fucking bed frame, that I realized those things meant absolutely nothing to me. They never had, because those things were just things I thought I had to have to be happy. I thought normal meant happiness, because I didn't know any different. 

"I didn't need normal," I said. "I needed you." 

His eyes widened at my answer. "Fay-" 

"I didn't realize it because before I couldn't remember you," I said. "I couldn't remember the things I used to like, the faces of my family, anything. This whole time I was looking for you, without even realizing." I hiccuped back a small cry. 

"I wanted to protect you-" 

"Then why did you come back into my life only to leave me all over again?" I all but screamed. "You left!" 

"You told me to go! I was giving you space!" 

"I never needed space, I needed you!" 

"Both of you shut the fuck up!" the first guard cut in, startling the both of us. The guard groaned and held his ears. "I never signed up for this shit!" 

Noah scowled over his shoulder, but begrudgingly lowered his voice. His eyes had leaked fresh tears that streaked his cheeks. "I never left you," he spoke softly. "I was always there, I was just waiting for when you were ready." 

I let out a choked, tearless sob. "You watched me struggle to figure out my past," I said. "you saw how much pain I was in." 

"I thought it would be worse if you knew the truth," he said. 

"Worse for you or for me?" 

He paused, taking in a small sniffle I could barely hear. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." 

My lip trembled. "Was any of it real? Did you even..." 

"All of it was real," he insisted. "Fay, I love you. It's always been you." 

My heart throbbed. "I'm not the same as the Fay you remember." 

"That doesn't matter," he said. "because I fell in love with the current Fay too." 

My response was cut short by the double doors being kicked open, nearly taking out the two guards. "You bastard!" Seth spat, kicking Noah to the ground. 

"Boss?" the guards looked confused. 

"get the car, we're moving out!" Seth ordered before turning to me. I let out a shriek when he grabbed my waist, tossing me over his shoulder. 

"Noah!" I shrieked, squirming against Seth's grip. 

"Shut up!" Seth barked back, turning to leave for the door. 

Only, Seth tumbled to the ground with me in tow, his body just barely breaking my fall so my face didn't smash into the tile. I groaned and ripped my body free to roll away, but Noah's hands were already above me, pushing me to the side. "Noah?" 

To my surprise, Noah was completely untied. He gently caressed my cheek for a brief moment. "It's almost over, baby, don't worry." 

"You fucking-" Seth was cut off by Noah turning and lunging at him. 

Gunshots fired from a short distance, and the two guards at the door didn't seem to know where to shoot. My body ached to run, to fight, to do anything, but I was dizzy and there was blood everywhere, and the mess of fists and kicks turned into a mushy ball instead of two people. Doors were being kicked in, shouting of all genders and voices echoed in my ears. Before I realized my vision was fading, I considered the possibility that I hit my head a bit harder than I had originally thought. 

But with all this chaos, the threat of imminent death surrounding me, I felt a small smile playing on my lips as I fell into darkness. He said he loved me.