Fragile Little Things ?

23 fall

“Thank you,” she says.

And this time I’m the one to avert my gaze. “Eat,” I grumble, “before it gets cold.”

Indie smiles a little, like what I’ve said amuses her, before reaching for a slice of pizza. My gaze traces the movement — bad idea, because she lifts the slice to her mouth, and I have to supress the urge to groan. It can’t be helped— her lips are bare and impossibly full. They look soft. So soft.

I look away again.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” she asks.

“Hm,” I grunt, pulling out my chair and taking a seat before reaching for my own slice. I finish three slices in the time it takes her to eat one. When she finally finishes, she looks better. No more tears and shivers, at least. Some color has returned to her skin and she looks warmer with my clothes on and the heating up.

Then my gaze catches on my shirt.

She’s not wearing a bra.

Shit.

“I’m going to shower,” I mutter, standing abruptly. “You can have my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

“Jem, wait—” Her brows pull together as she looks up at me. “I’m not going to get any sleep, so you don’t have to give up your bed.”

I narrow my eyes. “Have you not been sleeping?”

“No, I—” she stutters, “I mean—”

“Have you been eating?” I ask. It’s a dick question, and none of my business, but it’s too late to take it back.

Her gaze turns defensive. “Yes,” she says, not meeting my eye.

I sigh, running a hand down my face. “Indigo, you need to sleep. You need to eat. These are things you need to do to survive. You’re in med school, you should know this.”

“I know,” she says, exhaling a frustrated breath. “It’s just—I don’t want to be an inconvenience. I swear you won’t see me again after tonight. I’ll never trouble you again.”

Does she think she’s some sort of burden to me? My lip curls. “What the hell are you going on about? Stop jumping to conclusions. You don’t want me to sleep on the couch? Fine. But if you don’t want me to sleep on the couch, then you’re not sleeping on the couch either. You take my bed and I’ll take Eli’s.”

Her eyes go wide. “No!”

I frown, and she’s quick to explain.

“I saw him at the party and I,” she pauses, “I think he’s having a rough time with something.”

I clench my jaw. Is she seriously worried about Eli’s fucking sentiment right now? Annoyed, I clear up the dishes and leave them in the sink before heading to my bathroom to shower.

When I get out and walk into my room to change, I half expect her to still be out in the lounge, but a few minutes later, she walks into my room. Her eyes are wide as she sees me, and unsure what to do with herself, she perches on my desk chair. I don’t turn my light off.

Her gaze falls on the papers scattered on my desk. I didn’t think I’d have anyone over anytime soon so I didn’t clear it up.

“Can I look?” she asks gingerly.

I nod, and she sifts through the pages delicately, like she doesn’t want to crumple the paper or smudge the ink. Scoffing, I resist the urge to tell her that she doesn’t have to be so careful. She looks genuinely enthralled.

She turns to me with brief brightness in her eyes. “Are these hand-drawn?”

I hum in response. “When I dropped out I lost access to the design software. Ace said he could get me access for free, but I told him it was a waste of time.”

She pulls her hands to her lap and goes quiet. After a while, she says, “Why didn’t you tell your mom you dropped out?”

The question gets me off guard. I get into my bed, but I don’t switch the light off, and I’m quiet for a while before I choose to answer. “She was so proud when I got in. Always telling the nurses. If she knew . . .” I sigh. “It would break her.”

Indie’s gaze is soft as she considers me from across the room. “There has to be some other way . . .”

“For me to study?” I shake my head. “Can’t have my bread buttered on both sides. Trust me, I’ve tried. I need to be working full time to keep up with the hospital.”

She looks down at her lap.

“How is she?” she asks, “Your mom. How is she?”

“Getting better,” I lie.

Then she lifts her eyes to meet mine. “How are you?”

“Fine.”

A half-lie. I’m half of everything these days. Half of myself.

Quietly, Indie rises from the chair and walks to the other side of the bed. She slips under the covers, flooding my senses. She used my body wash, but somehow she’s made the scent entirely her own. There’s still hints of coconut layered under my usual Old Spice.

“I’m sorry for calling you,” she says, next to me but not facing me, “But my only other friend is Mae, and I couldn’t tell her. And I can’t go to my place. It’s complicated, and you might not believe me but —”

“I believe you,” I quip.

 A soft silence ensues.

“I’m not going back to him,” she says, “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“Good,” I say. And I mean it. Even if I never get to have her, if it meant her not going back to him, I would take the deal. I just want her to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.

“I’m not supposed to be here,” she says, “With you. I just broke up with him and it’s not fair.”

“To him?” I scoff.

“To you,” she admits quietly. “I’m a mess. I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” I grunt, switching the night lamp off. “Stop apologizing. You’re not a mess. Go to sleep.”

But she stays upright, not resting her head on the pillow like she should.

“Fuck,” I curse under my breath, pinching the bridge of my nose. And in the dark, I feel her turn to me with wide eyes. “Do I really have to spell it out? I want to be the one you call. I want to be the one you need. I want so many things.”

I swallow. “But I’ll wait until you want them too. And I’ll understand if you don’t —want me, that is. If you never did. If you never do. But you need to understand this: you can’t be a burden if I want you. And I’ll always want you.”

She sucks in a shocked breath.

I press my lips into a tight line. “Good night.”

She doesn’t say anything. I turn away from her, because it takes a surprising amount of strength to not pull her body into mine. To not flip her into her back and press into the soft spot between her thighs. To not peel my shirt off her body to see more than just an outline.

I stay awake until I feel her breathing slow. Then I let myself fall.

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a/n:

i made a playlist for jem! check my spotify @yuenwrites

until the next chapter,

stay gold,
yuen