Differences

Nine

He remembers the first few times he heard about the man from Evan, he had teased the younger about having a crush, and wasn't surprised when Evan said that he did, but he also didn't see it going anywhere. Kelly's mind takes him back to when Eddie had dropped Christopher off and then picked him up. There was a fond look that he had directed at Evan and Christopher, only it didn't leave his face when he was only looking at Evan. He wonders if Evan knows that his best friend here in LA looks at him with such intensity.

Evan pulls away from him after a few minutes, wiping away the tears. "I just wish he had never told me that. I wish that he hadn't brought Christopher over after the tsunami." The whispered confession makes Kelly frown.
"Why?"
He looks up from his lap, "Kelly, you have to understand why I didn't tell you about some of what I'm going to tell you." He swallows around the lump in his throat. "I was scared about what you would do."
"What are you talking about?" His eyes narrowed, voice firm.
"After visiting you and a month passed, I was told I got the okay to work again. Later that day, I got invited to dinner. Turns out it was to celebrate me coming back. It was really nice seeing everyone and getting to celebrate and just being with my team, but I had a pulmonary embolism at the party."
"You what?" Before he can respond, Kelly gets up and begins pacing, fear gripping him even though Evan is in front of him, breathing. "I can't believe you didn't tell me. You didn't even call or text me. Didn't say you were in the hospital again. I mean what were you thinking?"
Evan stands up, "I wasn't okay!" He's yelling now and it makes Kelly stop in his tracks. "I wasn't thinking. I didn't even get a chance to think. I had a doctor telling me that the reason for the pulmonary embolism was because I was pushing myself too hard, when in actuality it was the fucking screws they put in my leg. And then I have my captain telling me that because I had to be placed on blood thinners, the higher ups think I'll be a liability but in a few weeks I could get put on light duty and he fucking lied! He lied to me about my job!"

It's quiet between them for a moment, before Kelly sits down again, silently letting Evan have the floor to finish what he needs to say. He continues to stand, needing to be moving in some capacity. "I didn't know at the time that he was lying, I didn't find out until after the tsunami." Kelly curses under his breath, realizing what that means. "But, before I found and after everything that happened, I went on light duty and was a fire marshal for a bit." Kelly chuckles at that, remembering all the times Evan had called him while he was still in uniform.

"I talked to Bobby after the 118 did their drill to give him the report and found out they replaced me. And it's not like I didn't think someone would be put in on the team to help out, it's just they covered my name up on my locker for her to use. And when I tried to talk to Bobby about coming back he just told me that when I was ready I could return to work. And that was the problem. I was ready, I was ready." He repeats.
Kelly nods, knowing exactly what Evan was going through.
"I went to dinner at Bobby's that night. It was him, his wife Athena, and me. It was going good, but then I started to talk to him about being ready to come back and how it was stupid that higher-ups wouldn't let me work yet, and Bobby." He pauses, the wound still feeling fresh. "He told me that it wasn't the higher-ups that didn't want me to come back. It was him. He told them that he didn't want me on the team."
"All because of the blood thinners? You can work on those. You are allowed to work on those."
"I know, but that didn't matter to him. And I was just so fucking hurt and mad, that I left and I met up with this lawyer that I had met during the drill. He had told me before that he was going to be suing the 118 due to negligence, which I have to admit as much as it kind of pains me he wasn't wrong about wanting to do it."
"What did you do?"

He remembers when Maddie found out and she had asked that same question, only when she asked him, it had stung. The disappointment was clear in her voice.

"I started a lawsuit on Bobby for wrongful termination." He braces himself for Kelly's reaction. He's been too calm since he started talking about the lawsuit, even if there is a fire in those blue eyes of his.
"Did you win?"
"Technically. They settled, but then I dropped it."
"How much?"
"Seven million."
"Good." His voice is hard.

He can feel himself relax at the tone. Kelly is angry, yes. But it's not him. "I was told not to talk to anyone during the lawsuit, so I didn't. But, no one reached out for the two weeks it ran on. They were all so angry at me and Bobby didn't even tell them why I was suing him and it was exhausting. It's not like I think that either of us were the bad guys and I know I rushed into the lawsuit, but I was treated like I killed someone." Evan let's Kelly pull him down onto the couch. "There's so much talk about how the 118 is a family and maybe it is. But, it isn't for me."

Kelly holds him tight, mind racing and anger boiling under his skin. He couldn't understand 118's actions and he was willing to bet that even without his bias towards Evan he would feel the same way. It was forgivable to ignore someone, even adding in the life changing traumatic experience that Evan went through. But, was it forgivable when it was family? Kelly couldn't count how many times someone at 51 had been through something and sure they might want to ignore it or try to, but no one at 51 got ignored. At the very least not on purpose.

He could admit to not being the nicest man. He could even admit that despite everything, he knew that he was at one point considered the least friendly person at the house and he knew that was his fault. But, even then when he snapped at everyone and threw things in their face, never once did they ignore him. Not for a week, a month, or months on end, not once. Kelly couldn't comprehend what Buck had gone through and it was only now that he was breaking. Only after months of this, was he finally asking for help.

"I have to ask, why are you still here? Boden would give you a job in a heartbeat. If Chicago is home." If I'm home. "Why don't you leave?"
"I don't know." He hesitates, "I guess I just never really let myself think that I could go back to Chicago, even after I went back for that month."
"Why?"
He avoids the older man's eyes, "Can we do this later, please." He adds, when Kelly looks like he's going to protest. "I want to take a shower and then sleep."
Kelly lets him go, watching as he goes upstairs, wondering the reason behind Buck not thinking he could come back to Chicago, back to him.