unbroken (unexpected series)

Chapter 49

"I mean... you're so busy with your children... and Angel?" he says unsure, after learning from McKenna just how she now felt about Jack, he knew I was bound to be experiencing that all encompassing need and fear multiplied as well.

But the thing was, the way I saw Angel had changed but I was beginning to think that she no longer wanted me the way I now wanted her. The way I probably felt at first but pushed aside because a relationship or the viewing Angel in a romantic fashion wasn't socially acceptable.

Not when her mind was horrifically scarred and childlike.

"You gonna give your old man an answer?" Dad teased next to me, and Rusty jumped and grunted against my chest, "There you go," I shot back, "Answer given." I smiled in the dark, my enhanced night vision - his silent smile noticeable.

"Things are... I - I didn't know love like this dad..." I struggle to put my feelings into words that make sense of the chaos in my mind, "I mean... I don't - I don't think - or have never - felt love like this, its greater, the feeling as a man to protect his children, but also the added worry I feel from that beast side now to protect them... Angel too." And with that I feel like I've exposed some deep dark secret that can only be revealed at night in the darkness - hidden.

Dad remains silent, giving me time to air my burdens, something I place in my mind, something I hope that when the day comes my children can do for me, come to me.

"I think I've always been in love with her," whispered secret comes out, "I told you guys that, I did. We were alone out there in the middle of nowhere and Declan kept his distance and even when Catalena joined us, she gave Angel and I space. But her trust was so enduring, she was at my mercy dad and still she was just so open with me, I feel like I loved her without even knowing I had loved her any other way than caregiver," the wind takes my words.

"Feels odd to you still?" Dad asks after a moment of silence, his voice no louder than my own, I shake my head, before realizing he probably can't see it as well I can in the slight darkness.

Still I think of the words, I think of the way I witness Angel caring for our children, and what I have come to know is, "She loves our children, shows them in her way, but... I saw her giving Livvy a bath, and she was humming this tune I'd play for her on the guitar. When we first found her, she didn't know how to even wash herself, she had a fear of being alone that remained for months..."

I try to explain this memory and the present without sounding dirty or making that time back then sordid, something I should be ashamed of, "I would sit in the room while she bathed, just letting my presence calm her, but I would hum or tinker away on my guitar, and I heard her - she told Livvy 'daddy used to play that song when I took bathes...' and - and-" words now escaping me.

"You realized that you loved her even back when she was broken..." dad murmured into the night, saying the words I was having trouble saying, thinking of her that way and the war it has inside me.

"You're worried about what kind of man that makes you?" he said the words releasing me from their pressure.