Two Introverts ?

17 | A Boy

"I realized that I'd made a terrible mistake in bringing you up, Sam," she confessed. "And I'm sorry for that. Seeing you like this makes me proud - my son is giving his all, studying day and night, tell me who wouldn't? But at the same time, I want you to erase the things we said to you. Your health comes first. Your happiness a close second. I don't want you to worry about failing or not being able to reach people's expectations, because what's the point of that when you're feeling empty inside?"

He looked up at the woman standing before him for the first time since a long time, close to tears again. 

Caressing his cheek lovingly, she continued to say,  "I want you to know that we - your dad and I - will always love and be proud of you, okay? It's okay, it's okay if you're not able to score the best. No one wants you to become the next Einstein or the next Barak Obama. We want you to be Sam. The lovable and hardworking boy you are. Don't put your mental health at risk, Sam, it's a hard task to mend a person with a broken heart and mind. What matters is you giving your best. And you are. You're my boy, so of course you are," she said, laughing lightly at the last part of it. She took Sam's hand and gave it a light squeeze. Sam squeezed right back, trying to convey what he couldn't using words - I love you, mom. 

With that, she left, leaving him all alone. He turned his chair over to face his table, trying to concentrate on studying yet again. And to no one's surprise, he couldn't. He thought of how worried June would be. Though he never showed it outside for the world to see, he knew of June's tendencies to worry about Sam to an irrational extent - well, who could blame him? He was there for Sam at his absolute lowest, and knew very well how his mind worked. June was someone who was mature and calm. To think that he'd made a person like him worry out of his guts made Sam's stomach sink into a pit of nothingness. Why did he do this? He honestly had no idea. He was too scared to take his phone and see the messages he knew his friends had left for him. He absolutely hated himself for having blocked June a day or two ago - he'd never done that before, no matter how mad he was. He didn't know what had gone over him when he did so but immediately upon registering what he'd done, he unlocked him and saw the hundred messages his dear friend had left for him. All of them showed nothing but pure love the other had towards Sam and Sam could do nothing but break down, because why does he care so much about me? What did I do to deserve someone like him?

Despite it hurting his soul and contradicting his previous thoughts, Sam had to accept the fact that even after all these years, even after seeing June express nothing but care and concern to a certain individual that was him, he was still insecure about their relationship. He was too afraid of thinking about "forever" or his "future" with June, because what if he left me when I need him the most? What if he takes advantage of my vulnerability towards him in the future? What if?

With controversial thoughts flooding his mind, Sam couldn't even think of studying. He didn't need things to distract him, his mind was enough to do that for him. 

And then came Charles - Charles. The guy who he'd met so randomly and unexpectedly. The guy who'd come up to him and comforted him when he didn't need to. The guy whose eyes held genuine consideration and excitement at the sight of him. The guy who was tall, smiley and extremely friendly, all while being a shy, adorable mess in front of Sam. The same guy who was now close friends with him - someone who was probably more worried about him than June was at the moment. He didn't have the heart to ignore or block him by any means, but he couldn't help but stray away. He thought his mind was spreading diseases - diseases that were communicable - so he didn't want Charles, the precious boy he'd met a few months ago, to catch them. He didn't want to corrode him by his existence, didn't want him to know of Sam's cruel mind that kept feeding him poison.

He hesitantly searched for his phone and opened Charles's - and only his - contact to see if he had any new messages. Charles, after the first day, hadn't texted him at all and Sam didn't know why. It was selfish of him to think so, but he was immensely brought down when he thought of how Charles didn't care with sending him messages of comfort anymore. At least, that's what he thought; he wasn't aware of what the other boy was under. Maybe he wanted to give Sam some space - he was a hundred percent sure June would've thought that was what he needed and would've told Charles the same. Nevertheless, he unlocked the phone after not having done so for two days, only to see three messages from Charles. Three messages, and yet they managed to break open a new place in his heart he didn't know existed. I'm here. Please know that I'm here.