The World That Was Mine (Part I & II)

Part II: VIII

My heart leaped in my chest as I looked out one of the open windows and saw the layout of my small town in front of me. I was here. Really, truly, honestly here. And I couldn't decide whether I liked it or not. My heartbeat in my throat like a drum at an irregular rhythm, Tyler's hands squeezing my shoulders at the same pace behind me. It took us only 10 minutes to get off the plane, and when we did, I breathed a sigh of relief to be back on solid ground. 

But before I had the chance to really appreciate the feeling, the blue plastic case of my hearing aids being shoved into my face cut it off. I frowned up at Tyler, who just smiled sympathetically down at me and motioned towards my ears as if I didn't know what they were. 

"For now," He signed when I hesitantly took them in my hand. "Until we get to the hotel." 

I looked at Logan. He just shrugged unhelpfully. I hesitated for a moment as I stared down at the case, debating whether or not to make today the day I made my stand. My head hurt, I was exhausted, I was nervous. Hearing the world in all its chaos would only make those things worse, and everything else in its wake. 

I sighed after a moment of thought and slowly opened the case and extracted the hearing aids from the box and slid them into my head, wincing at the immediate discomfort of echoing voices and noises filling my normally silent world. Tyler nodded in appreciation, completely unsurprised at the unwavering compliance I'd always given him, at the expense of myself. The compliance I would always give him. I shoved the case back in my sweatshirt pocket and sighed deeply as I looked at my two older brothers, who were watching me with various expressions of happiness and concern. 

"Are you excited?" Logan asked cautiously. I waited for a moment, again weighing my options of truth versus compliance, but of course, I nodded my head and forced a smile. "You'll have to show us around Brinley this time while we're here." Logan continued, starting to walk towards the airport door with me and Tyler hot at his heels. "We didn't really get to look around last time we were here." 

The last time we were here was in October, for my mothers funeral service. Things had been so different back then. Better in some ways, easier, if only in the physical sense. That was only a couple months ago, and yet, I could barely remember who I was back then. I didn't like who I was back then. I liked who I was now even less. But I tried not to think about that too much. 

Tyler nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Izzy, you'll have to show us all your favorite spots around here. We'd love to see them." 

"I want to see Mom." I sighed back, ignoring their optimistic suggestions. Mom, and Marley. 

I needed to see both. I wanted to see one. I hoped I would see either. 

I didn't care about sightseeing, or playing tour guide for my brothers, I had no favorite spots, or special places in this town. This place was the bane of my existence, and somewhere I only called home for the few people in it I'd loved. But they're gone now. All of them. And now this place was the graveyard of unfulfilled promises and unshed tears that lingered in the air like smoke infiltrating your airways. 

Tyler and Logan exchanged a look over my head. "We will, Iz. We'll see her, I promise." 

I nodded curtly, walking a little faster to come to Logan's side, where he smiled at me and offered his hand. I looked up at him, and saw the hopeful gleam in his eyes. I took his hand without a sound. 

"We can do whatever you want on this trip, baby. We're here for you after all." He leaned down to whisper in my ear. I sighed deeply and nodded, letting Logan pull me into his side as we walked down the street. 

It looked the same. Every store, every shop, every building, looked exactly as I remembered it. And yet, it could not have felt more foreighn to me. Brinley hadn't been home for a long time. But I guess I hadn't realized just how alien it had become. Or how alien I had become. Brinley was the same. I was far from it. But hardly was that for the better.