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8. The Moon

"I changed my mind. I just need you by my side." I gave him a sweet smile.

His eyes melted. "Of course," he said with a smile and pulled me against his side. I gave Louise a killer smile.

"Felix, I'm actually not feeling very well either." She clutched her head and leaned on her son. It was a desperate attempt to show me that he was still her son.

I was over it.

I pulled away. "You should take care of her. I think I just need a bit of fresh air."

"Are you sure?" Felix asked as he looked at his mother once and then at me in confusion. I suppose he guessed that something was up.

"I am." I nodded and walked away.

I looked around and saw that everyone was busy with their own conversations and for a moment, I felt lonely. I was in a house full of people; I was around family. I shouldn't be feeling like I had no one of my own.

I stepped out into the backyard and walked away from the house until I couldn't hear the conversations.

I looked up at the night sky. Despite there being several stars in the sky, for some reason, the moon always looked a bit lonely to me. It brought me comfort to know that I wasn't the only one. I wondered what Alya was doing right now. I knew why she left but I wondered why she stayed away. Why didn't she try to contact me? Was she still mad? Was she holding a grudge? Was she in trouble?

"You've always been fascinated with the moon," Konstantin spoke. "Even when you were a child." I hadn't realized that he had followed me out.

"It's alright."

"I've never understood why people think about profound things when they look at the moon. Why it is romanticized or even written about so much? It's just a big rock floating in the universe, reflecting the sun's light."

Engaging in random conversations and discussions that often turned into heated debates was my and Konstantin's thing. He saw the world as black and white. I often had to spilt his world in half, pull it apart, and show that there were dozens of shades of grey in between. Sometimes, he would see it and the other times, I wanted to put his head through a wall and then mine.

Right now, I was not in the mood to humor him.

"Why'd you follow me out?"

He sighed. I turned to look at him. His eyes looked tired and they had bags under them like he hadn't slept well in a while. His lips had perpetually turned upside down and he was growing a beard. Konstantin wasn't a beard guy. This looked more like a 'shaving is the last thing on my mind' than a 'I am trying out a new look' beard. He looked troubled. I had never seen him like this before. He was one of the good ones. I hated that he was in pain.

"Why did you marry her?"

"I love her." He didn't even hesitate before answering my question.

"You two have done nothing but argue and fight since you got married. You have never looked so...broken before." There was no other way to put it.

"Have you ever loved someone with all your heart and soul and they end up betraying you anyway?" he asked but he didn't wait for an answer. For a moment, I thought of Ajax - the only guy I have ever loved.

"Do you know how it feels when someone betrays you, but you still can't help yourself but love them? It destroys your very sense of self. The pain shatters your heart. You can't eat, drink or sleep. When they leave, you feel empty, and yet, staying with them tests your mettle. You can't look at them but when you close your eyes, they are all you see." His eyes squeezed shut in pain. "I can't just leave her, Kate. I can't give up on us."

My heart dropped to my stomach. My brother was in more pain than I had ever imagined.

"Did she cheat on you?" I asked.

"Oh, God no," he denied vehemently. "She made a mistake. A grave one but a mistake nonetheless. I still haven't found it in myself to forgive her." Clearly. "But she's a good person, Kate. She was the one who pushed me to come out here and talk to you. She has done nothing but ask for forgiveness. All the arguments and fights are on me. Don't judge her for that. Give her a chance."

"What did she do?" Me giving her a chance depended on his answer. But I agreed that I had been hard on her ever since I had heard both of them argue the day after their wedding. Hell, they didn't even go on their honeymoon because of it.

He looked at me and gave me a small smile. "Nothing you should concern yourself with. You have a lot on your plate."

"It's just a wedding." I waved it away.

"Wedding is just the beginning. I was talking about marriage. It's not easy," he spoke, clearly from experience. "Especially when you don't even love the person you are marrying."

What? How the hell did he find out?

"You're my baby sister. I always have an eye on you." He smiled and then turned serious. "You're old enough to make your own decisions, Kate. I don't know why you're marrying him but whatever it is, I want you to know that I'm here for you. So are Cassandra and Will."

When I was young and got into trouble, I used to go to Konstantin and he always took care of everything. Dad was rarely there. Konstantin was eight years older than me and was very mature for his age. He was the only male figure I have ever looked up to.

Right now, a part of me wanted to tell him everything like I did when I was young. I knew that he would take care of it for me without a moment of hesitation. That's just the kind of man and brother he was.

But I wasn't a little girl anymore. I was a fully grown woman. I had gotten myself in this mess and I was going to get myself out of it.

"Iappreciate it." I really did. "But I can take care of myself."

Love, B
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