[Hyperlink Loading Now!] - Spamton x Reader Oneshot

Targeted Advertising

You start to walk to bed, but Spamton stops you with a touch.

"Stay, [angel]," he says. "Just one second..."

With a hesitant tap of the enter key, you watch the code roll down the screen.

"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Spamton leaps up on his chair and grabs you, grinning ear-to-nonexistent-ear. He presses his teeth against your cheek with a juicy "MWAH" sound effect for added drama.

"YES! YES! YES! YES!" He hops down from the chair and does a little dance around the room, shimmying and grooving to music that isn't playing.

"What... just happened?" You rub at the spot on your cheek where he kissed you, startled and unsure, but he doesn't seem to notice. 

"It worked! It worked, it worked, it worked, it worked, it worked~!!!!!" He suddenly locks on to you, eyes bright behind his pink-and-yellow glasses. "Ooh! I know! Let's [[SAMPLE PRODUCT]]!!!"

He guides you to your bed and has you sit on the edge. He runs back to your desk, clambers up onto the chair in front of it, and grabs a USB from one of your computer's ports. With all the vigor of a puppy, he jams it straight into his mouth and chews.

"Wait!-" You move to stop him, but he waves you off.

He swallows and returns to you. He climbs up onto the bed next to you, all excitement and a certain curiosity.

"Ok, let's [SeeCleaningInANewLight] if this works! It's a [[FORUM]] of targeted advertising, so let me know if you [[Like What You See?]]!" 

He takes a deep breath. 

Flicking his hand, he summons a large, rectangular advertisement in front of you.

It's grey, at first. Flickering and suspicious.

In tense silence, you both wait and watch as a loading bar appears on the screen.

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Finally, the ad springs to life.

In bright pinks and yellows, an animated version of Spamton offers you a product. The presentation is immaculate; warm lighting, rose petals, the whole shebang. Even the border of the advertisement shifts to match the color scheme and mood, changing with a subtlety that had you almost missing it. It's impressively accurate to your sleepy, touch-starved mood.

The issue is that this ad is for a Spamton body pillow.

You flush beet red, looking to the real Spamton incredulously.

"What the hell, man?!"

He's just as red as you, all embarassment and nerves. He waves away the magical advertisement as quickly as he can. Still, he's deadly quiet when he asks.

"Was that... a [faster than similar products] you would [[BUY NOW]]?"

Seven, maybe eight weeks.

That's how long you've known this man.

It only took around three for you to fall for him.

You had never had great taste in partners. You know this, and you've dealt with enough shit to think that maybe romance isn't your gig at all. But getting to know Spamton... He's just your type of weirdo, but he's so much kinder than the others you've known. Living a weird domestic life with him and his quirks only encouraged your attraction to him. You've already had hugs and cries, fights and resolutions, and overall character growth for both of you in just the time you've known each other. A lot can change is so little time.

He's made your life better. You know that without a doubt. You've already started getting comfortable in the life you're living- you've certainly fantasized about adding a little extra to the dynamic, but if even proposing that would fuck it up, you don't want to try.

But he kissed you. On the cheek, sure. Was he even paying attention? If it was real, then, well...

"Let me ask a question first," you say, swallowing thickly. "Was that kiss earlier a joke?" 

He shivers under your eyes, smiling crookedly. His face is just as red if not redder than before. He tugs at his collar, releasing a puff of steam.

"I, er- Did you [[CRAVE]] it to be??"

Breathlessly, you can't help but reply.

"I did."

Spamton whimpers. He throws his hands over his face, but he's unable to hide his spreading grin.

"You- You did?"

Your own smile starts to grow, flush mirroring your puppet friend's.

"I did. And I would definitely buy that pillow."

He drops his hands to his mouth, tugging at his lower jaw with his fingers. With his glasses free, you can finally see the cartoonish heart eyes behind them. He looks at you with the most adoring expression you've ever seen on him or anyone else, for that matter.

"You would??" Steam continues to roll from the cracks in his plating, sending warmth along your skin everywhere it touches.

"Yeah," you reply. It's all you can say.

"W-well," he says, composing himself. He fixes his hair and slaps his cheeks, just barely managing to cool his blush down. "If that's the [[Suitcase Emporium]], then..." 

He gives you a slick smile. "Well, have I got the product for you.~"

He tells you to do everything you would normally do for sleep. Not sure where he's going with this, you do, climbing into bed and getting settled under the blankets.

Spamton leaves you only for the time it takes to turn off your computer and the lights. The moment he returns, he's at your side, nervously climbing into bed.

"What are you doing?" 

"Being the [[F%&*#]] best body pillow [FREE KROMER] can buy," he hums, curling up next to you.

"Pfft, Spamton, you don't have to do that," you say, but all the same, you pull him in closer.

"But... this is what [YOU WANT IT], right?" His voice is uncharacteristically soft. Gently, you reach for him, petting his hair affectionately. He melts into your touch with a warm hum.

"No, your program got that one wrong," you chuckle. "I never wanted another pillow."

Spamton makes to protest, but you stop him gently, continuing.

"Don't get me wrong, it would have been a decent enough replacement. But no, Spamton. All I ever wanted was this. Was you."

You hug him. Soft warmth is all you feel for this little man, and from the way he leans into you, you know he feels the same. In this comfy, dark room with Spamton at your side, you can already feel yourself melting into sleep. But in that same dark, with a quiet reverence, you hear his voice.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Spamton."

~~~

[[AUTHOR'S NOTE]]

This was gonna be something silly-goofy-like but then I took it too seriously so here's some genuine fluff as a late April Fool's Day anyways the joke is that you both get a happy ending

Lore alert: originally the advertisement was gonna be for like a snail-themed flowerpot or something