Dear Bad Boy || Ransom Drysdale

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I race out onto the patio inhaling deeply as the pain constricts around my heart choking it to death, clutching my chest as I gasp through my laboured breathing trying to stave the pained sobs. I want to wail, scream, shout but the only thing I can do is sob. How could he have done this to us, both of us.
Louisa...
engaged?
To be married...
All while Ransom had me in my dressing room, my bedroom and just now in the family bathroom. Why?

I hate him, more than anything in the world I despise him. After everything that's happened over the years, this is the worst, and it has come from the one person I loved the most. I never thought he could hurt me like this...except...I think I did.
That poor woman, she stood there so proudly with her fucking perfect hand thrust in my face. She was as clueless as me. I stood there like a deer in the headlights, frozen. Mortified.
Heartbroken.

"Are...are you...you, okay?" Megs uninterested voice comes from behind me, her face exposed by the heat of a cigarette.
I needed to be alone, but of course Harlan would send someone to check on me. But why did I think it would be Ransom? Why did I hope?

"I'm f...f...fine Meg." I snatch the cigarette out of her hand, hesitantly putting it to my lips. Exhaling sharply before I take a long drag of the disgusting stick. It burns my throat, and I remember why I never took up the habit as I cough and splutter expelling my guts onto the slabbed patio.
She raises her eyebrow in dispute, "sure." She scoffs walking back into the party.
"when?" I call after her looking for answers, that truthfully, I'm not sure I need to know.
Meg turns slowly sighing sympathetically as her head tilts to the side, "We met Louisa," she grimaces apologetically as I wince at her name, "we um met her at Easter, they met in Panama in January. Ransom was covering some story over there, she worked as a receptionist at the hotel he was staying at...they started dating right away. They got engaged in New York on top of the Empire State building in August."
The everlasting stream of tears engrain their salt on my cheeks, searing themselves like a brand. Another tattoo of pain left by him.
"Wh...when in August Meg?" she shuffles her shoulders, contorting her face baffled.
"I don't see what difference it makes-"

"When Meg?!" I yell out indignantly desperate for more answers.
She pulls out her cell phone frantically scrolling through social media, "The second...it was the second of August." She slowly turns the cell around showing me a picture of them standing together, Louisa's face, streamed with blissful tears, Ransoms infamous smirk lingering behind her. His scarf, the very one I have stuffed in my purse draped around them both shielding them from the breeze.
I gasp clamping my hand over my mouth, my legs give way and I falter to the damp patio floor. "Eva?" Meg rushes over eyes wide with concern, as she reaches out to pull me from the ground.

"Tell them...tell them I've gone home...that I drank too much champagne and I'm sick. I'm sorry Meg but I have to leave." A fragmented laugh forces itself out through strangled sobs, "I can't be here," I blow tears and snot from my lips "tell H...Harlan that I'm sorry. I'll make it up to him." I scramble to my feet trying my best to gather myself, steading my shaking legs before descending the slippery stone steps, stumbling onto the gravel tripping as I rush off across the estate trying to get away, determined to be anywhere but here. Running blindly over the disappearing ground, my shoes sink into the damp grass.
Fuck this.
I kick them off.
All the while the tears perpetually run down my face.
I make it to the tree, the one that marked the border from him to me, throwing myself on it, gripping it for support the bark burying its way under my nails, the pleasurable sting relieving my heart of the deep-rooted throb that threatens to rip me apart. I close my eyes wishing to wake up from this nightmare...cursing the day we spoke. Clawing my skin.

The lake glistens in the moonlight, the water calmly rippling in the soft wind. The tears have run out, I am emotionally dehydrated. There's nothing left of me. What the hell did I do to deserve this?
Edging closer to the water the tide nips my toes like sharp needles, I step in closing my eyes tightly, inhaling deeply as the water threatens to sweep me away.
Please...take me away.
Get him away from me.
I rid myself of my clothes, exposed to the moonlight I crouch down into the water. Involuntary breaths fighting against the bitter cold as I fully submerge myself in the water. My lungs fight against me, traitorous organs. I come to the surface running my hands over my face, cleansing myself of him.
As I lay back floating in the calmness of the current, being comforted by the rhythmic sway of water, it was short lived...
"Eva!" Ransom wades his way through the water, struggling to part the water as he comes to wreck my peace once more.
Dragging me from my moment of tranquility he pulls me to the shore.
He takes off his coat wrapping it around me pulling me deep into his chest trying to warm me, but I'm not cold.
"are you out of your fucking mind?! I...I thought you were fucking dead." He bends over trying to catch his breath, I try not to focus on his words. All I hear is the sound of the water falling onto the pebbled shore.
Ransom lifts my coat from the ground and places it around my shoulders, I can't even look at him.

"I brought your purse; Fran couldn't find you." The wind picks up the inevitable chill in the air blows leaves around us, he wraps his arms around his body protecting his own warmth.
I open my purse and pull out his scarf, I press it to my nose inhaling it deeply like I have so many times before, "You left this in my dressing room, I've had it since my last performance, y'know when you came to see me in New York. The very same night you asked another woman to marry you." I thrust it into his hands.

"I'm sorry," he sighs closing his eyes regretfully.
I shake my head in disbelief, "you made me the other woman Rans, that poor girl..." I can't even say her name, "you don't deserve her. You don't deserve anyone. I... I truly, and honestly wish I had never laid eyes on you Hugh. I wish I could wake up and be eighteen again and have the strength to walk away from you. Because I'd rather have lived an isolated existence than ever have known you! You ruin everything, everything you touch desiccates." He reaches his hand out to touch my face, "NO!" I slap it away, "I hate you Hugh Ransom Drysdale. I fucking despise you."

"Eva, p...p...please," he stutters pathetically, this time its his face soaked with tears. Reduced to a crumbling mess.

"Forget you know me, forget you know my name." I grab my things, tossing his coat at his feet.
I want nothing from him.
I leave him at the side of the lake, taking one last look at the man who ripped the beating heart from my chest and made me watch as it faltered.

I prepared myself for the consumption of heartbreak, as I walked away that night, I readied myself for the unescapable vortex of misery and despair.
Two months... I'll allow myself two months.
But as it turned out there wasn't time for hopelessness. Because life had already begun preparing another barricade for me to push through...