we shouldn't

"Happy one year baby" Billie whispers, waking me up from my slumber as she kisses my forehead.

"Happy one year" I mumble in a groggy morning voice. I wrap both my arms around her and hold her tight.

"Did you sleep good?" She asks.

"Mhmm" I hum, finally opening up my eyes.

The woman in front of me blows my mind every time I see her.

Her eyes.

Her jawline.

Her lips.

Her smile.

Her nose.

Her hands.

Her tongue.

Her ears.

I love every single inch of her and I can't even wrap my brain around the fact that she's mine. Not only that, but she's been mine for a year.

Yeah, we've had our ups and downs but it feels like we were meant for each other. We rarely fight, in fact, I don't think we've ever 'fought', just small little arguments that end before the sunsets. Our communication has been key. Ever since she first broke my walls down I tell her everything.

Today is our day.

The day.

Today we go public.

The past few weeks Billie has been going to lots of meetings about it. Personally from what I've seen online, I'm pretty sure her fans already know she's gay and there are plenty of couple pages for us. This blows my mind since the only photos of us are paparazzi photos. We never got caught which blows my mind but I'm grateful that it's worked out, especially for Billie's sake.

"How are you feeling about today?" Billie asks softly as she gently brushes her fingertips along my arm.

"I'm a little nervous but not scared" I explain and she nods.
"It feels right...ya know?"

"I do" she smiles, leaning in for a quick kiss. "You ready?"

"Mhm," I nod.

Billie leans over and grabs her phone, she types for a bit and shows me what she's typed.

I read over the words and give Billie a nod, handing her the phone. I watch as she posts it to her story and puts her phone back down.

"Now what?" I sigh out.

"Now" she smirks, cuddling closer to me, "we can kiss wherever we want" she mumbles and attaches our lips.

This kiss lasts a few minutes before we pull apart and I lay my head on Billie's chest as she strokes her fingers through my hair.

"I can't wait to marry your fine ass" Billie mumbles.

"Hmm, I can't wait to have kids with you" I smile, thinking about little Billies running around.

"How many kids are we having?" She asks.

"Well, if they take after you then ten but if they take after me then zero"

"No no you got that all twisted up baby" She chuckles.

"What are their names gonna be?"

"Hmm, I think we will know when we get there" Billie answers.
I hear my phone buzz and move to 'my side' of the bed, picking it up off the nightstand.

iMessage
Anonymous

Spencer

I knew you were the one dating Billie

I'm not shocked by this text I kinda knew they would come so I ignore it and get up, getting ready for the day Billie planned. I wanted to help plan but she insisted to do it all herself. She's more of a hopeless romantic than people think she is.
Once I hop out of the shower and change into a cute but casual outfit I see that I have three more texts from the same Anonymous number.

iMessage
Anonymous

It's funny because I could totally destroy you

I could put out everything you've done in the past

I even have all the receipts

Now I'm a little worried, not gonna lie. Who would go out of their way to find my number and harass me? Most likely this is a person who wants attention and thinks their gonna find it by bullying me. Or they are trying to get to Billie through me and clearly, this is the wrong way of doing it.

iMessage
Anonymous

Who are you and how do I know you have proof of anything?

The photo this 'anonymous' person sends me next makes my heart drop to my ass and my hands shake vigorously. I grab my vape and take an unhealthy amount of hits, staring at the picture.

It's a clear picture of me sitting on a girl's lap with a bong sitting in mine while I'm exhaling a large cloud of smoke.

Billie comes out of the bathroom and witnesses me in full-on panic attack mode.

"Baby what's wrong?" She asks with concern as she sits down next to me.
I quickly turn off my phone so she doesn't see and I drop my head on her shoulder as she wraps her arms around me, pulling me onto her lap.

It's not that I care that much if people know I used to smoke pot. Who fucking cares right? But if this gets out I know there will be articles about me. 'Billie Eilish's new girlfriend, not a good example', 'is Billie Eilish's girlfriend a druggy' and all they will want to do is dig deeper.

When that picture was taken, it wasn't my best moment. My mental health was at its absolute worst and I know that there might be worse pictures of me out there.

"Can you talk to me?" Billie whispers into my hair.

"I-I'm sorry" I mumble trying to halt my cries.

"Don't be sorry. What is it, babe?"

"N-nothing" I shake my head and stand up walking into the bathroom to fix my makeup.

"Spencer" Billie sighs as she leans her back against the doorframe of the bathroom.

"I'm okay I promise" I give her a half-hearted smile through the reflection of the mirror.

"Promise?"

"Promise"

Billie comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist. I jump at her action, I didn't know she was coming.
I've gotten used to her doing that at this point and I don't normally jump anymore, It's been almost a year since I haven't been so jumpy.

"I-I'm sorry" Billie apologizes with a concerned expression.

I turn around and let out a sigh, grabbing both of her hands in mine and leaning against the bathroom counter. "Baby I'm sorry...I guess I'm just extra sensitive and jumpy today because I'm a little nervous about going public."
This isn't a complete lie, I'm just not telling her everything.