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15. Closure

"It's not too late, Kate. It's still not late. We can work this out. We can work through this," he pleaded. "You're it for me, Kate. You always have been. There's no one else for me. God knows I've tried. No one even comes close to you. I can never love anyone else. Not as much as I have loved you, as much as I still love you."

A tear rolled down my cheek.

I shook my head. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I was actually doing this. This was exactly what I had been secretly hoping for a really long time. That all of this was one big nightmare. But now, it seemed so far away, so distant- like a nightmare I had as a child that doesn't seem all that scary anymore.

I wasn't the same person anymore. I had gone through so much after him that the breakup didn't seem all that hard. Sure, it broke me when it happened. But I lived and I learned. I grew. I wasn't even the same Kate that he was in love with anymore. I was a whole new person now. And I was still trying to change. I needed to have some time to myself and figure out who I really was before I could focus on anyone else. Jumping into any relationship right now felt like it would end in a catastrophic disaster.

"I love you, Ajax," I said softly. "I think a part of me always will. But I'm not in love with you anymore."

His chest which was filled with hope deflated. Heartbreak was plain as the day on his face.

"What happened broke me. And I had to hold onto those pieces of myself for a really long time until I could figure out how to glue them all back together. I didn't have anyone to help me through it. The only person I had was myself. But I barely know who I even am. All I know is that I'm not the girl you knew or fell in love with. I can't be that person anymore. I don't want to be that person anymore. I'm trying to change. To be better."

"We can figure out who you are together. We can grow together. You don't have to do it all by yourself. You'll have me with you."

"I think this is something I need to do myself."

He released a breath and I knew that he realized that I wasn't budging on this. "I get it. I knew I was too late and that this was a long shot. But I decided to give it a try anyway."

There was melancholy in the air. But also acceptance. This felt like the end of a huge part of both our lives. We had parted ways a long time ago but had never been able to let go entirely. I always found it hard to believe that he cheated on me because of the kind of love we shared. I resented him because I thought he didn't love me enough and that made me doubt what we had. It made me doubt myself. And he couldn't let go because of things left unsaid. This was a closure both of us needed.

"I'm glad you did. I think I needed to know the whole truth." I smiled a small smile.

"And I needed to tell you the whole truth." He smiled back.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. His arms wrapped around me. "I'm going to miss you."

His hands around me tightened. "I'm going to miss you more," he said softly, pressed a kiss on my forehead, and let me go.

He turned around to walk out.

"Are you going back to London?"

He paused and looked at me. The deep sorrow in his eyes tugged at my heart. He nodded.

"You used to hate that city when you came to Scars Bay." I knew he left Scars Bay because of me. We had a nasty fight when he came to talk to me about a week after our breakup. I had told him that I never want to see his face again and that he should leave me alone if he ever loved me. He left town the same night. I had been surprised to learn that he was working for his father - the man he said he hated.

"It's not so bad," he said with a quick smile.

"You can come back to Scars Bay if you want. It'll be nice to have another familiar face." He had come from London to Scars Bay during our senior year to get away from his father. And he had to go back because of me. It wasn't fair.

"It's not home anymore. The city doesn't have the same charm when I don't see it from by your side," he said softly.

He needed time away to heal.

"Goodbye, Katerina."

"Goodbye, Ajax."

I followed him out of the door and watched him leave.

Once he was gone, I looked around the living room. Only Jay and Andrei were here. "Where are Dimitri and Alya?"

Andrei opened the door to the restroom and Alya walked out. "He was too fixated on you to notice her when he walked in. Which is a good thing because the fewer people who know, the better," he said in an explanation of why Alya was hiding.

"Ajax was harmless," Alya argued. "I wanted to meet him!"

Jayden looked over the whole hide-Alya-from-everyone thing. He seemed frustrated with the situation but there was nothing he could do about it.

"Dimitri?"

"Left in the middle of your conversation with Ajax," Jay replied. "Looked pissed."

"Could you hear what we were talking about?" I asked.

"Only the stuff you two were screaming in the beginning," he replied.

IfDimitri didn't hear the conversation, I wondered what made him mad. Maybe itwas something else entirely and I was overthinking it. It could easily havenothing to do with me. There was no way it was because of me. The guy hashelped me a ton and flirted like no one's business but he can't be thataffected by all of this, right? Right?

Love, B
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