Playing the Game

1. Layers

I don't know. It's just, him and I have a shared experience. We both witnessed humanity at its worst that day, we shared a fear in that moment. And we share more in common than just that night. He gets what it's like to lose a father in a similar way I did, to witness things no child should ever have to see. And because of that, he's made the perfect hot chocolate companion.

"No," I whisper, gripping my fingers around the warm porcelain. "I'm not anxious about the flight. I'm excited to see everyone."

His smile is bright, the thought of his family surely taking over. But then his eyes pull up, meeting mine and falling a bit more serious. "You got a letter today?"

I nod, letting my eyes fall back down to the melted marshmallows creating a creamy topping across the dark brown beneath it.

"Didn't open it," I add, still unable to lift my eyes. "He's getting out..."

"He is," Tommy acknowledges, reaching out a hand and gripping mine. "But that doesn't mean anything has to change for you. Not until you're ready."

My eyes finally slip over to his. I feel like this is a moment where I should be crying, tears shedding over a man who should have been here, a man who never truly acted like a man at all. But I have nothing.

"What if I'm never ready?"

There's a deep breath that fills his chest, lifts his shoulders before dropping. "Mia-"

"I don't owe him anything."

He's still watching me. Still holding on. "You're right, you don't. But there might come a time when you want answers. A time when you just want to see him. And if that time comes, it's okay. It's okay to want to get to know him, who he is now."

"And if it doesn't come? If I don't ever want to see him?"

He's quiet, the words circling behind his eyes. "Then you don't see him. It's your choice, Mia."

My choice. It doesn't always feel that way. It feels more like a lingering obligation. Something I'm supposed to do. To offer forgiveness so he can heal, to be there to witness the change he's undergone. I just don't know that I can. I don't know that forgiveness is something that he actually deserves. Not after all the lives he's altered.

"Do you think Sadie will go all out this year?" I smile up at Tommy, changing the subject to something much lighter. Something that actually has me excited.

His smile brightens right alongside mine. I also catch the acknowledgement in his eyes, the realization that I need to talk about something else. "Seeing as this is the last summer with you two girls before you're both college bound, I would expect the whole welcoming committee, complete with banners."

"And cupcakes?"

"Oh, there will definitely be cupcakes."

I can't help but laugh, thankful for the feelings of joy in this moment. It's exactly what I needed, and I wouldn't have expected anything less.

As Tommy stands, he rests a hand on my shoulder, letting me know he's still here. Whatever I need, he's always here, always has been. As he turns to walk away, the realization that I won't always have these moments, not when I'm away at school, I stop him.

"Hey, Dad?"

He turns slowly. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

We don't say anything after that. Instead, he takes two steps back, swinging his arms around me, cherishing every bit of this moment.

A welcoming committee was an understatement. Sadie has an eye for aesthetics and a personal passion for going over the top. The house was decorated in various welcome back signs, streamers, and of course, cupcakes. Not to mention the fact that she's currently in the kitchen whipping up my favorite dinner.