If I Can't Have you

(22) Look after her

"I know you've seen her," Tommy states, "you know I didn't do this, did you tell her that?"

"And risk her hating me, fuck no," Jemima remarks.

"So you believe me when I said I didn't do this?" Tommy queries, a strong feeling of warmth flooding through him.

"I never said that," Jemima says, "but yes, I don't believe you'd tell them any means necessary only to threaten to shoot them all and burn down the station for not releasing someone that was arrested just so they could get Freddie by any means necessary."

"So why won't you fucking vouch for me? My family aren't bloody talking to me, Morrigan."

"You must be under the impression that I like you enough to care," Jemima shrugs.

"You sure as fuck have liked me enough for these past couple of months, what's changed?" Tommy asks.

"You're not the man I thought you were."

"Why not? You've fucking thought the worst of me since we met!" Tommy exclaims, "how can I suddenly be worse or different  than that?"

"I'm sorry," Tommy apologises for raising his voice, "I just- I don't get it, Morrigan."

"You don't deserve to get it," Jemima replies, in addition to that she really didn't want to tell him that the reason it hurt so much is because her feelings towards him had started to change, seeing a softer, more vulnerable side to him made him endearing. So she was telling the truth when she had said that he is not the man she was beginning to think he was.

"Okay," Tommy sighs, "how is she? Is Ada okay? How about the boy?"

"They both will be." Jemima states.

"Where is she staying, Morrigan?" Tommy asks, running a hand through his hair.

Jemima had noticed that Tommy emotes a lot with his hand movements. When he's anxious, he scratches the base of his neck. When he's frustrated, he runs a hand over his face. When he's angry, he scratches his jaw. When in unknown situations, he usually reaches for a cigarette, just to give him something to do with his hands. When he was confused, he scratches his eyebrow. When he was upset, he tended to use the knuckle of his thumb to rub his lips.

At the moment he was stressed, fiddling with his hair was the key sign that he was stressed, and worried.

"I'm not telling you," Jemima replies, "she's going to be alright, but I can't tell you. Not when she's requested that I don't."

"I understand," Tommy nods, hesitating as he starts to walk away, "make sure she's alright for me, Morrigan. Please."

"Of course," Jemima says, with a sigh as he continues to walk out.

That's the vulnerable side she was talking about. Him showing emotion, showing that he cared affectionately for something. That's the thing that was pounding in her head, perhaps the only reason she could never truly hate him. Because for those he cares about, there is absolutely nothing he wouldn't do.

-

"Jemima," Max says, breaking the comfortable silence between the two friends as they ate dinner.

"Yes?"

"For how long have you been fooling around with Tommy?"

"What?" Jemima stutters, almost spitting the food from her mouth.

"He does realise he sews his initials into his waistcoat, right?" Max retorts, "and that the material is nicer than the common man of Small Heath? How long has it been happening? Does John know?"

"How would I tell John?" Jemima says.

"You're going to have to work out a way, Jem. He's our best friend, he needs to know." Max responds, "how long has it been happening? Is it serious?"

"It's definitely not serious, it's not even a thing any more," Jemima replies, "but it did last a couple of months."

"Months? Fuck, I was hoping you'd tell me it was a one time thing." Max sighs. 

"Johns never going to speak to me again," Jemima says.

"Don't be so dramatic," Max says, "just be honest with him, he'll appreciate it. He may be slightly annoyed, but not for long."

"Yes it's his brother and his best friend, but it's still none of his business. You're two consenting adults and what you choose to do is between you, but you can't keep the situation from him. For that, he'd have a right to be mad," Max tells her, and she nods.

"Now, was it anything more than just sleeping together?" Max asks.

"More? Fuck no, I still despise him, it just turns out that he is extraordinary in bed." Jemima replies.

"Did you know that the officer that touched you was blinded?" Max hums.

"Was he?" Jemima questions, and he nods, "John says it wasn't him. Arthur says it wasn't him. They're two of three people that wear a cap that have knowledge of the events."

"What's that meant to mean?"

"It means I don't think Tommy despises you as much as he might portray. He walks you home in early hours. He blinds a man for touching you. It doesn't seem like the acts of someone who doesn't care, and it definitely isn't the action that someone who hates you would take." Max says.

"Everyone is so quick to think the change in his behaviour is because of Grace, but I don't think it is. I think he is a very stupid man who doesn't know how to handle the things he's feeling." He continues, "he's been spotted with Grace, what, three times? The times they think he's with her, he's been with you."

"Now that is preposterous," Jemima scoffs, "Thomas changing because of me? Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?"

"It sounds ridiculous I agree, but I truly don't think he cares for Grace," Max shrugs.

"Maybe he's just decided to finally stop being a prick all by himself, maturing or something? But it has nothing to do with me." Jemima states.

"Whatever you tell yourself," Max hums.