Loki x Reader: Into the MCU

Chapter 51: Vacation

Maybe some day, you thought, smiling sadly down at him, But I'll always love him. Always have, even if it used to be in a different way. If best friends is where this stays, I'll happily have the best best friend. I'll be what he needs me to be, because he deserves it.

You thought of home and your smile faded. 

It's over. Which means I'm not needed anymore.

You weren't upset over the thought of seeing your parents again, or your friends. In fact, the last few months had made that previous life seem so distant, so nostalgic, in a sense. You missed aspects of it, your loved ones certainly being on that list. You wanted to tell your Marvel friend, who you'd consider your best friend at home, all about everything. But going back meant saying goodbye. Staying meant saying goodbye. Either way, there was no path that didn't hurt. If you went back, was there a point in telling Loki how you felt before leaving?

Sure, make things awkward for him just before you leave. What a great parting gift. And if I found out that he did like me? Now I just made leaving harder on both of us! Unless...

Could you do that? You'd told him once that you couldn't just leave your family. But then you'd also said it'd have to be a compelling reason? One you knew for sure would be strong enough to justify leaving without ever telling your parents. Did finding love count? Deep down, you knew it did. You'd told Loki you'd know what that compelling reason was when it came, and now you did. If he loved you, you were pretty sure you'd stay. You were pretty sure your family would have wanted you to. Like how Loki said they'd want you to be where you were happy. You weren't able to justify staying here just because you liked it. But falling in love with, not only Loki, but anyone who you got along with so greatly was a rarity in any universe. So if you told him and he said he liked you back, you'd stay. Your head screamed at that thought too, like you were betraying your family. No matter what you decided, you were going to lose. You couldn't have both worlds. 

It doesn't matter cuz I can't tell him! I can't ruin it for him. Can't risk it just for myself. He's Loki. If he wants me to stay, if he feels that way, he'd tell me. Or would he? I don't really know, this is new ground with Loki! He essentially told Sylvie when push came to shove, so he'd tell me? Listen to yourself! Talking about the time a fictional character told another fictional character he liked her! And now you're doing what you said you wouldn't, and you're falling for the guy you grew up watching! That's sick and weird! What would he think if he doesn't like you like that? If he finds out all your talk about not crushing on his character is nullified by your current feelings? Gosh I'd look like such a slut! Not to him, maybe, but who knows! Coming here to save a man just to get with him? How does that look? 

None of it mattered. You sighed and tried pushing the debate from your mind. Whether it looked messed up or not, and you knew it certainly did, you didn't come here to hook up with your favorite character. You didn't anticipate being his friend. You didn't anticipate falling in love with someone who shouldn't have been real. Who wasn't real eight months ago. You knew your tendency to ignore situations until they came to a head had gotten you into trouble, but once again you couldn't see any other course of action. If you told him, and the answer wasn't what you wanted to hear, you'd have screwed up big time, making leaving or staying more difficult. If you didn't tell, then you either left or stayed still on great terms, still as best friends. Part of you didn't believe Loki viewed you as anything more than a best friend, but you could no longer tell yourself that with a hundred percent confidence. For the first time since you arrived, you accepted that you didn't know shit. You always pretended to, but you never did. And being uncertain was uncomfortable and scary. You'd wait and see what happened, but you were too terrified to tarnish what you had by being greedy.