If I Can't Have you

(29) Argument

"If you care about him so goddamn much, go fuck him instead," Tommy remarks.

"Wow," Jemima says, shaking her head in disbelief, taking his coat off, shoving it back into his hands, before heading for the door, "screw you."

"Morrigan- shit, Jemima," Tommy mumbles, following after her, "Jemima, I'm sorry."

"Fuck off," Jemima responds, continuing to walk down the hill away from him.

"Jemima, I'm sorry, please, love. I didn't mean it," Tommy insists.

"You never seem to mean anything you say," Jemima states, "for future reference, when someone is walking away from you, it normally means that they don't want to speak to you and don't want you to follow them."

"As if that's ever stopped me before," Tommy replies, "I apologise for speaking to you like that, I promise I'll be easy on him. Easy but firm."

"You shouldn't be doing that just to appease me, you should be doing it because you care about him, and you think he deserves to know that you care about him," Jemima remarks, "and that's not the only thing I'm angry about."

"I'm trying to understand, help me by communicating with me please. I want to be better for you, and I can only do that if I know what I've done." Tommy says, as they reach the bottom of the hill. John and Max following slowly a couple dozen metres behind the bickering couple.

"Go fuck him instead," Jemima repeats his words back to him, "like it was back to us just doing that - just being that."

"You know damn well it's not like that," Tommy states, "you know that you mean more to me than just sex."

"How can I possibly believe that when you get mad and say stuff like that? The morning after you told me that no one who doesn't deserve the brunt of your anger will feel it." Jemima replies, "well I fucking felt it, does that mean I deserve it? Why are you angry at me?"

"I'm not angry at you," Tommy says, "I was feeling overwhelmed and I am so sorry that I took it out on you. How would you feel if you found out your brother was stealing from you?"

"It's understandable that you're frustrated and angry, I'm not faulting you on that, but the way you handled it was not okay," Jemima tells him, stopping and turning to face him, "yes if it were me, I'd be annoyed - nevertheless I would not take it out on you. I would not tell you to go fuck someone else and I certainly would not tell you it was none of your business. You made me feel insignificant."

Tommy understands he was out of line. He wanted to make it right, but he didn't know how. He knows he needs to control himself better, but finds it hard when being so overwhelmed.

He'd done the one thing he swore to himself he'd never do, treat her like the others had. He wasn't doing too well at that.

"If you're feeling overwhelmed, that is okay. It is okay to feel overwhelmed, I am not invalidating your emotions," Jemima continues, "just take a breath, get some air flowing around that head of yours, calm down and then act."

Tommy nods, slowly reaching for her hand, afraid she'd snatch it from his gentle grasp, "I will, I want this to work. I want this more than anything I've ever wanted before. I'll do better, Jemima. Please believe me. Please don't walk out on me."

"I'm not going to walk out on you over an argument, Tom," Jemima sighs, running her thumb over his still bruised knuckles, "couples argue, we argue. It's what we do, but get this straight, don't talk to me like that. Ever."

"I won't," Tommy breaths out, "are we good?"

"We're not bad, let's put it that way," Jemima says, keeping their hands entwined as they head back towards small heath.

"Wait up!" John calls after them, "I drove."

"It was traumatic," Max warns them.

"It's not that bad," John defends.

-

"So what's happening with Grace?" Polly questions, as the group sit around the tables at the betting den.

"Someone is handling it," Tommy responds, his hand resting on Jemimas thigh.

"You've sent a man after her?" Polly asks.

"Not a man," Tommy replies.

"What women do you know that do that sort of work?" Levin queries.

"This one," Tommy shrugs.

"Where'd you find her?" Polly asks, "because i know of no woman near here that would be willing to do your dirty work."

"France," Tommy states.

"Mariana?" Arthur questions.

"Who's Mariana?" Jemima inputs, as Tommys thumb begins to draw circles on her thigh.

"Why don't you ask John Boy, eh?" Arthur chuckles, as John blushes, "it's not like that, it's not going to be like that, I've got Esmé."

"What's she going to do?" Max inquires, "to Grace?"

"She's not going to kill her, but she's going to make it clear she's no longer welcome within a fifty mile radius of Birmingham," Tommy answers.

"Or near you," Jemima mutters under breath, just loud enough from Tommy to heat, causing him to smirk, his hand squeezing her thigh reassuringly.