What If He Didn't Die?

Chapter 3: Back to School

Hence, today I'm sitting with these living people on this breakfast table, eating forced apples.

"I think it's time." Says Eric breaking the awkward silence through which the three of them were eyeing me from the corner of their eyes.

"Mhmm- right." Says mom, "I agree Easter," I pretend to eat the salad in front of me as she talks to me context-less.

"Easter, we've decided, I mean, we're only suggesting, that you should start going to school again," Dad says, sipping his orange juice.

"There's no force. We just think it will be good for your academics. You've missed a lot of school and it will affect your college prospects next year, and it might also affect the busine-." Mom goes quiet mid-sentence when Eric sends her a glare.

He keeps his hand on mine and clears his throat. "East, we understand that you've gone through a lot and we don't mean to-"

"I'll go," I cut him off.

All of them stare at each other and then at me.

"Are you sure about this, baby?" Mom asks after a long silence.

"I am," I say resolutely and not wanting to have any more discussion, I leave the table with a glass of juice.

AS a matter of fact, I am not.

Not sure at all.

I am nervous and anxious, extremely. I can't understand how I will enter that place again knowing that I won't be able to see him there. Knowing that all our plans for the senior year and college will just be plans forever.

Dreadful thoughts and questions clog my mind as multiple debates keep taking place in my head, all ending with the same conclusion.

You can't do this, Easter. You just, can't.

Yet, here I am. Getting out of the car parked in front of The Drakedon High School. After everything.

The day is bright and sunny, in contrast to the winter weather. There's light everywhere except in me. I feel as dark and empty on the inside as ever.

And alone, walking in this hallway filled with students, with Eric behind us and Bella next to me. Bella came to my place this morning when she heard about me resuming school. Maybe because she didn't want me to feel alone.

All my friends are standing in the hallway against their lockers. As soon as I open mine, Hannah walks up to me, her blonde hair bouncing on her over-exposed cleavage, not that I mind. She looks perfect for all the efforts she puts in, I am only sorry that she does all that for a jock like Jack.

"Hi, Easter. How are you? You're fine?" She asks hugging me lightly.

I reply with a nod. I didn't have to say anything because Jack, her boyfriend, and the only son of my dad's business partner Mr Wrasper, joins the very next moment. He too pretends to care like her. I pretend to acknowledge.

"Yo Easy-peasy! You look good." Jacob Harper calls out from a few metres away. Bella hits him in his stomach with her ankle when he arrives.

"Oui! What's with you?" He exclaims, holding his stomach.

"I said casual, not so casual. Can you not understand anything?" Hannah whines in a rude tone.

Jacob is Hannah's little cousin, hence the elder-sisterly behaviour. He's a dumb guy and I only wish I didn't have to see him around all the time.

"It's fine Hannah. I'm fine." I say looking at all of them and start walking towards our homeroom. Bella joins me as she always does.

My feet stop moving when I reach the doorway of the classroom. They don't want to walk in, I, don't want to walk in. I don't want to see what's there inside and what's not.

"Come on Easter. We'll be late." I hear Bella say next to me in a considerate voice. All the others are standing behind me. I cannot stay here any longer, I have to walk on. I have to move on.

I enter the room and my gaze automatically avert to where Daniel sat on his first day of school and soon I realize how big a mistake it was to come back to school. I wasn't supposed to do this.

Not now.

My eyes refuse to look anywhere else but that empty chair at the end of the classroom and before I know it, I feel excruciating pain in my skull and my books fall off my hand as I reach to grab my throbbing head, which is right now projecting exactly in front of my eyes, the same chair but him sitting in it, the same hallway but with him walking across it, and the cliff that stole him from me forever.

I feel weak in my knees and the next moment, I trip and fall. Chaos starts around me as soon as I lose balance. Bella manages to catch hold of me before I hit the floor and carries me out of the class, back into the hallways. She's saying something to someone who's holding me from the other side. I cannot see who the person is, feels like Eric, but I cannot concentrate. I just feel a lot of pain dominating my senses. My head, my arms, they are all hurting and my eyes don't seem to see clearly anymore, but I can still make out the huge crowd of spectators in the hallway as I am getting dragged away, with their hands on their mouths.

I want to grab their heads and thrash them in the lockers behind them but I cannot seem to make out my own head at the moment. I try to clear my head and see better to know where I am floating to and after a lot of struggle and eye wrench, I finally see clearer. I am still in the hallway, not too far away from the classroom, maybe I am slowing them down, but I cannot help it. I shake my head to try and use my feet but I almost cause Bella to trip and fall. She hits the locker on her side creating a huge thud. The crash brings me back to senses like magic and the first thing I notice is Dan's locker in front of my eyes.

That was it, just like that, my mind goes back to the day when I first saw him.