If I Can't Have you

(49) Sort of together

-

"Hey Pol," Jemima says.

"Hello you," Polly says, adding with a wink, "or should I say the two of you."

"Eh? Pol, I'm the only one here," Jemima responds confused.

"Are you?" Polly questions.

Jemima looks around, "umm, yes?"

"You should go to the doctor," Polly states, "I can feel another presence."

"Doctor? Wh- Pol I'm not pregnant," Jemima says.

"Can you be sure of that? Who would the father be?" Polly queries.

"If I am, it would obviously be Tommy," Jemima responds.

"Go get checked out, Jemima." Polly orders, in a tone that states that it was final.

-

"Miss Morrigan?" A nurse calls out, and Jemima nods, being the only one in the waiting room.

"If you'd like to follow me, we can tell you your results," she states.

The nurse guides her down a small hallway and into a private room, gesturing for her to sit down, "standing for too long won't be good for you at the moment."

"Are you saying-"

"Yes, ma'am, you are with child," the nurse confirms, and Jemima clamps a hand over her mouth.

What was she going to do? She wanted to get back with Tommy. Would he want a child? Would he no longer want her? Would she keep it? Would they keep it?

She wanted him back, but she also needed to be honest before that, just so he had all the information he needed in regards to her.

-

"I know you said you want space, but I really need to speak to you," Tommy states.

"You can always speak to me," Jemima says, opening her door for him to step inside, watching as he shrugs of his jacket, taking a seat on her couch.

She settles beside him, "you seem nervous, Tom."

"I am," Tommy admits, "but I need to tell you this."

He takes a deep breath, angling himself so he was facing her, "Jemima, I love you, I need you to remember that. Whatever happens, I am in love with you."

"I miss you indescribably, and I know it's probably not something you care about or want to fix all that quickly, but I have to tell you this, Jemima, I need you to know this."

"You're scaring me, Tom," Jemima whispers, "why are you making this seem so final, the be all or end all?"

"I don't know what's going to happen at the races tomorrow," Tommy tells her, "however, I know that if I don't let you know this, I will hate myself forever."

"I don't want to leave with the regret of not trying because of my pride or embarrassment. I love you, not only for who you are, but for who I am when I'm with you. I love you, not only for what you are making of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you because there is nothing else I can seem to do." Tommy states, wiping away a tear from her eye.

"I love you for the part of me you bring out," Tommy says, "loving you is nothing I have ever had to think about. Without you, life seems inevitably more boring, less bright and a whole lot worse."

"Before we became us, I felt that maybe love may never be a possibility, that it was just in those books you admire. That nobody could possibly fill this void in my heart. I am hopelessly in love with you. I didn't just fall I fucking plummeted, darling."

Jemima leans forwards, brushing her lips against his, "I didn't just fall for you either. I walked into it, full knowledge of what possibilities there were. But Tom I-"

"Not yet," Tommy shakes his head, resting his forehead against hers, his eyes full of unshed tears, "tomorrow, when the business at the horse racing is over, tell me then."

He didn't want the heartbreak of knowing she forgives him. That he had her back to be the last thought in his mind should something happen to him.

"Tom," Jemima speaks quietly, "why?"

"I need to hate myself for one last day," Tommy responds.

"Tommy... we need to have a proper talk before we-"

"Tomorrow, sweetheart, we can talk tomorrow," Tommy says, "I will come and find you."

"You said you don't know what's going to happen, you can't be sure you'll come and find me," Jemima replies.

"Nothing, nothing, is going to stop me," Tommy states.

"Then why can't I say what I need to now?" Jemima asks.

"Just- please, if you're going to say what I think you are... don't, as much as I want to hear it, I can't until after I've done what I need to," Tommy sighs.

"I guarantee you it's not going to be what you think it is," Jemima remarks.

"It's not?" Tommy asks quietly.

"I mean that too, obviously, but this is different," Jemima says.

"Okay..?"

"Tom, I'm pregnant," Jemima states, and he stares at her unmoving, the only indication that he was alive being his eyes blinking, "you- you are pregnant."

"Yes," Jemima nods.

"What are you planning to do?" Tommy asks.

"It's your baby too, Thomas," Jemima states.

He nods, "I'm not going to force you through a pregnancy if you don't want it. Whatever you choose to do, I respect it, and I will be by your side. Baby or no baby."

"But are you ready for the responsibilities of having a child should we choose to keep it?"

"If I'm with you I'm ready for anything, love," Tommy responds, taking ahold of her hand and lifting it to his lips.