Finding The 4077th

It's Okay To Cry

“Come on Kiddo, apparently we are doing this now, ” He said gently and soothingly as he got the boy standing. He collected the little box from him, while Chris grabbed him around the waist. He threw the pillow back on the cot and lay down on it, he moved to the side so that Chris could snuggle close, the boy was still sobbing and seemed very distressed.

Hawkeye put his arms around his son and pulled him close, “ Hey, hey, It’s okay, You don’t have to go through with anything if you don’t want to, I will always be there for you” he whispered in his ear and ran a hand through his hair. The kid sniffled but did not try to pull away so Hawkeye thought it would be okay to open the box, Chris needed to deal with this. He held up the first picture, it was a wedding picture, they looked so happy together. Hawkeye looked at his sobbing son, the boy didn't say anything, but looked at the picture with big wide eyes, tears streaming down.

He didn't know what to do but he was doing what he thought was right. So he started talking about it, seeing what kind of reaction his son would give, he told Chris his mom looked very pretty and happy, he had the same floppy ears as her. Chris started crying harder as he buried his face against the man, he snuggled close holding on to his dad like he was a lifeline to safety.

The terrible images kept flashing through his mind, and no matter how much he tried to block them, they kept appearing. He couldn't stop crying and couldn't stop the bloody memories flashing through.

He was so tired of fighting it, it never stopped. He just couldn't anymore, he sobbed as he finally stopped trying and let go, the memories started replaying over and over again. He felt his dad's hand brushing over his head and through his hair, and he felt cared for as he listened to the rambling of Hawkeye. Maybe it was okay to let go, he knew he was safe with his dad, and that the memories couldn't kill him but they still hurt.

“It's okay to cry, Kiddo! It's okay to be sad.” Hawkeye mumbled as he held Chris close as he looked through the pictures, he kept talking about them, describing them to Chris. There weren't a lot of them but they were very nice, there were a couple of Chris's baby and toddler pictures that he will make copies of for Chris's grandfather. And some with Chris together with his parents, perhaps he should frame it for the boy. It was a pretty picture.

He notices Chris was a bit calmer now, the boy was looking at the picture Hawkeye was holding with big sad eyes. His heart burst with affection for the child. He hated to see his kid so heartbroken, but they couldn't change the past, and this was a very good sign. Chris was looking at the picture without breaking down.

“P-pap-pa?” The boy whispered as he cuddled closer to his dad.

“Yeah? ”

“I-I also f-feel guilty,” Chris said softly before he let out a big sob, he looked at his dad to the man's reaction.

“That's okay too, it's normal to feel that way,” Hawkeye reassured the boy.

“R-r-really?” Chris looked up at his dad with big wide eyes.

“Yeah, of course! You feel like you're replacing your dad with me, but it's not like that.”

Chris just looked at him waiting for him to continue.

“It's not replacing. You had no choice.” Hawkeye reassured the boy, Chris didn't need to feel guilty, the child wasn't guilty of anything.

“And I know you still love your biological dad even though he's not here. You can love several people at once, that means that you are adding people instead of replacing them, you will always love your biological dad and I hope you will feel the same about me as your new dad. ”

Chris nodded, it sounded logical, and it made him feel a lot better. He yawned widely and snuggled closer. His dad knows everything.

They sat like that for several minutes, just talking about it. Well, Hawkeye kept talking, and Chris was falling asleep. Hawkeye didn't even detect himself falling asleep as well, not until the box dropped on the floor which woke the man up. He impatiently but carefully picked the fallen pictures up and put them in the box on the nightstand next to the little rocket lamp before he lay down again. He looked at the peaceful sleeping boy next to him and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.