Map of the Lost

Trigger Warning: Mention of Physical Abuse

Tulala.

Nakatulala lang ako habang iniisip pa rin ang nangyari sa gabing iyon. My chest feels tight, like I couldn't breathe.

"Sab.." I nearly jumped when Erin lightly shook my shoulder. I tried to look normal and smile at her. "Hm?"

But she didn't look convinced at all. "Kanina pa kita tinatawag. Ang lalim ng iniisip mo, ah?" Nakatambay kami sa gazebo sa may grandstand ngayon. I haven't told anyone about what happened.

Umiling lang ako sa kanya, hoping she wouldn't push the thought anymore. Luckily, she took the hint and respected it.

I was playing with my feet while swaying it a bit as I sat down but instantly stopped when I saw familiar shoes before me. Inangat ko ang tingin ko, and I was right.

He sat down beside me and held my hand, intertwining them together. Hindi ko siya kinibo, at tahimik lang kaming nakaupo doon. I watched as he caressing my hand with his thumb.

We're okay. I told him that we were.

I just needed time to think and process what happened. I feel so lost and confused. How would you feel if one of your closest friend betrays you like this?

Inexplain naman sa akin ni Cole. Ang sabi niya, noong una naabutan niyang nag-aaway si Miguella at ang daddy niya. He was already getting violent and Cole had to get in between. Sinamahan niya lang muna si Miguella after that because it didn't feel right to leave her at that time hanggang nagulat siyang umamin ito sa nararamdaman niya at hilain siya sa isang halik. Cole did push her away. Pero ang sakit pa rin isipin.

"Are you mad at me?" Mahinang tanong niya sa akin. Umiling lang ako, not even meeting his eyes. I heard him sigh before he could lean his head on my shoulder.

"Don't leave me please.." He muttered.

My heart shattered seeing us like this. What do I do?

I told him we're okay that I just needed space for now. Naguguluhan pa ako sa ngayon.

"La?" The door was opened and I let myself in.

When I saw her sweeping the floor, parang nagulat pa siya sa pagdalaw ko. Pero mas nagulat siya nang tumakbo ako sa kanya para mayakap. I found myself crying in her arms the next second.

"Anong nangyari? Sabihin mo kay lola..."

She brought us both to the couch to settle down. I told her everything that happened. She didn't speak until I finished. She listened to me first. And when I was done, she hugged me again.

"I appreciate how Cole told you immediately.." Ayun ang una niyang sinabi. That's true. He was reassuring me to that he didn't want it to happen. Hindi niya 'yon ginusto. He kept saying sorry and that he loves me while crying.

"Ano nasa isip mo, anak? Anong nararamdaman mo ngayon?" She asked while she caressed my hand.

"Nasasaktan po at naguguluhan. I felt so betrayed. Iniisip ko rin na sana sinabi ko na kay Cole na tumigil na ng mas maaga. But if I did, what would happen to Miguella? Selfish po ba ako, lola? Pero kahit na nahihirapan na ako, I chose to understand because I know she was in need. Pero ngayon, ewan ko na po. Even if I was already having doubts, I chose to still trust her kasi kaibigan ko siya."

"Naiintindihan ko naman, anak. Tingin ko kailangan niyo mag-usap ng masinsinan. Lahat, tungkol sa pagkakaibigan niyo, ang pagwalay niya sa inyo at 'yung ngayon kay Cole. Pero saka na kung nakapag-isip ka na at kalmado ka na. Hindi maganda pagpuno ka pa rin ng galit, baka may masabi kang hindi maganda dahil sa pangunguna mo sa emosyon mo." She pulled me to lay my head on her shoulder as she spoke so calmly as she brushed my hair with her fingers.