Captive

Chapter Thirty

"I didn't buy the house, I'm only borrowing it. The owner shoved all of her stuff in here when she let me stay. There's still room for some storage if we ever need it though." You nod. All these rooms aren't anything I'd really use ever. Glad to know there hasn't been anything important that I needed. But how on Earth did Loki get this place? Is he freaking paying rent? What the heck?

Loki doesn't open the final door. Unlike the other wood or drywall doors, this one is steel, and you recognize it. You know exactly which room this is. "We don't have to go in if you don't want to," Loki tells you, voice soft and gentle. "It's where you were tied down."

You can feel Loki watching you, gauging your reaction. For a moment you stand there, silent. You don't have a single good memory from there. And yet, in some ways you miss your time there. You've refused to acknowledge that for weeks, but now that you are standing in front of this godforsaken room, you're forced to process everything.

And, of course, you just have to find the most self-destructive way possible to process everything.

Before you fully realize what you are doing, you open the door and walk inside. The room is almost exactly how you remember from the day Loki untied you. The only difference is a thin layer of dust on the furniture. You stop next to the chair you were bound to. You slowly set your hand on the top of the back, like the chair will disappear if disturbed. You stand there for a few seconds, doing your best to ignore Loki. He walked inside after you, but kept his distance. But he watches you like a hawk, studying your reaction.

You fold your arms again, facing away from Loki as you feel your eyes water. "In some ways, it was almost easier before," you whisper to yourself.

"How so?"

Your heart stops. You didn't realize Loki could hear you. He was so far away, it never occurred to you. You whip around to face him, hearing your heart more than anything else. You start to back away from him, tripping on the chair. You fall to the floor, quickly recovering enough to push yourself backwards. "I, I didn't mean, please, I, I'm grateful for what you've done,-" your back hits the wall behind you and you pull your knees to your chest, "-allowing me around the house, please, don't tie me-"

"Dearest, I won't bind you again." You press yourself against the wall as much as you can as Loki steps forward, heart pounding. He stops a few feet away from you and crouches down. "I am terribly sorry for scaring you. I promise you, I will never restrain you in any manner."

Give me one reason why I should believe you, you think bitterly.

"This must have been an awful scare, darling. Shall we leave this wretched room? Would that help relieve some worry?"

Yes. No. I don't know. You wipe your sleeve across your face, wiping away tears, shrugging your shoulders.

"Very well. How can I help?" Why do you do this to me? Why are you so hellbent on manipulating me?

"Please stop," you whisper, shaking your head.

"Doing what?"

"All of this. You aren't treating me like a prisoner, and it's confusing. Everything around me is too much. One second I'm reading one of the dozen books you've allowed me to read, wrapped in one of the softest blankets I've seen, the next you're calling me pet names and asking if I need anything, then you're gone and I'm alone again and it's been a month of this and I don't know why you're doing this and every day only brings more questions and everything comes crashing down on me again and nothing makes sense and I don't even know where to start and I just want something, anything, to make sense, and now I'm not making sense but I want something to change or for me to understand things better but how is that supposed to happen?" you ramble.