Let's go.

Part 9: The Slow Burn

After dressing in a knit, long sleeve dress and tights, I brew a pot of coffee and I can't help but think of the morning I had spent with Jerry in this tiny kitchen. "I hope he is well," I whisper aloud and a wave of loss washes over me. It was a relationship that I knew would never be more than what it was. And here I am again, but with Layne. I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit at my desk. I pull my legs up to my chest and the hot coffee warms my hands through the mug.

My desk is placed in front of a large picture window in the living room and looks out over my front yard. The fog from the bay has rolled through and its thick gray fingers obscures the fire red leaves of the old maple growing in my front yard. I love autumn, the bright leaves, the cold mist, and the heady smell from the eucalyptus trees permeates the air.

I raise the coffee mug to my lips and hear a loud creak from behind me. I slowly turn to face Layne and he is standing in the small hall studying me. He is fully dressed wearing worn Levis and a grey knit sweater.

"Were you trying to sneak up on me?" I ask him, referring to the line he said to me on the bus a couple years ago.

He smiles at me lazily and asks, "What time do you leave for work?" He begins to cross the living room towards me.

"Well, a very handsome man came to my office yesterday and distracted me from finishing the contract I was working on, so I need to leave soon." I reply and smile at him. "Do you want a cup of coffee?" I add and begin to stand from my seat. He leans over me and kisses me on my forehead. He takes my coffee out of my hands and leans against my desk. He takes a long sip from it while holding my eye contact over the mug's rim. His hair is messy from sleep and his eyes are heavy. Layne is not a morning person. I giggle at his sleepy display and he grins back at me.

"Who is this handsome man keeping you from your work?" He asks, then adds, "Should I fight him?" I smile at him then stand to kiss him on his cheek. "I'll pour you a cup of coffee," I say and begin to turn for the kitchen. He grabs my wrist and I freeze. I turn to face him and his eyes shine back at me. He pulls me into his chest and I can feel his warmth, smell his scent, and hear his heart. I close my eyes and breathe in this moment. He chuckles slightly and I can feel his thumb trailing along my jawline.

I open my eyes and he smiles slowly at me. He puts his hand behind my neck to bring me closer to his mouth. He kisses me softly at first. He places his other hand at the small of my back and holds me firmly against his chest. My mouth opens slightly as I sigh into the kiss and his tongue begins to slowly caress mine. The heat in my stomach burns and my soft, wet core begins to pulsate with the insatiable need that I have carried for him all these years.

Then my mind begins to race. I can't do this again. I can't start something with a man who will leave. I push away from him and take a step back.

He looks down at me, his brows knitted together. He studies my face and I know he is reading my thoughts, understanding my hesitations. He pulls me into his chest and hugs me.

"I'm sorry, I have been wanting to do that for so long and I lost myself for a moment," He says quietly into my hair. My stomach clenches at his words and it takes every piece of strength in me not to lead him back to my bedroom and spend the rest of the day showing him how much I have wanted him to kiss me like that.

Instead I just shake my head no and look up into his eyes. He smiles down at me.

"Layne, I don't know what we are, especially after my time with Jerry, I just..." I trail off, unable to articulate my feelings.

He nods in understanding then says, "How about that coffee?"

I nod and turn away. He follows me into the kitchen, reaches into my cupboard for a mug, and pours himself a cup.

"You look nice," He says to me with a grin as he drinks the coffee.

"Thanks, do you want to ride into the city with me?" I ask.

He nods his head yes then says, "Do you have lunch plans?

I shake my head no and say, "No, I could be done today by noon if you stop distracting me," I say with a wink and brush past him to finish getting ready.

He reaches for me and pulls me back into his chest and says with a sly grin, "I like that little wink." My heart feels like it is in my throat and I so badly want him to kiss me again. I want him to tell me that my past with his best friend doesn't matter and that he has always wanted me. But I fear that maybe all of this has been a game to him. That he has been playing with me, never really wanting me for himself.

His arm is around my waist and my breasts are crushed against his chest. He is still holding his cup of coffee in his other hand and he is looking down into my eyes.

"See, I'm never going to get to work if you keep acting like this," I tease.  He chuckles then squeezes me to him and drops his arm.

"Okay, finish getting ready so we can leave," He says with a grin.