Off the Carousel

Until it's Gone

When the doorbell rang again, she remained unfazed. They could wait. But when she saw who it was through the peephole, she swung the door open wide. "Derek! What in heaven's name are you doing here?"

He was the epitome of miserable at that moment. If one looked it up, the definition of miserable would be a pouty, wet, forlorn son with bloodshot eyes and unkempt hair. Her inner mother radar went off. "What's wrong?" she stepped back to let him in.

He trudged in, not even bothering to smile or greet her. "I-" he shrugged, "Meredith-" he started again but words seemed to be failing him and he gaped like a fish flopping on a boat, gasping for air.

Carolyn took off his jacket and hung it on the rack behind him. She handed him a kerchief, "Get a hold of yourself. Dry off. I have water on for tea in the kitchen when you're ready."

He stared at her, almost shocked at her attitude. Carolyn didn't care what he thought. Derek was a grown man, he didn't need her pity.

She puttered in the kitchen, selecting earl grey tea as her choice tonight and pulling out another mug for Derek. Stirring honey in her tea, she waited.

Carolyn's deft ears told her what her son was doing on the other side of the door. Soft thumps as he removed his shoes, and the scuffle of socks on carpet as he made his way to the bathroom.

Silence.

The toilet flushed, water ran a little longer than the usual time it took to wash hands. More silence. Derek's long loud sigh.

She heard the squeak of the doorknob as he exited, more shuffling as he came closer to the kitchen. But he stopped in the hall.

Carolyn imagined him gazing at the pictures that littered the wall there. Everyone was on that wall. Even his wife and kids. She'd had to harrass them endlessly over email to get that particular picture, taken when Bailey had been born.

When the kitchen door opened and her son appeared, she arched her brow up at him. "Much better," she said.

"Hm," Derek replied, untucking his shirt and loosening a button to feel more comfortable. He looked better now, his hair slicked back a little, his cheeks a pinkish tone, and that long miserable expression had been replaced with something more open and thoughtful.

"Well?" she pushed the teapot toward him.

Derek poured the hot water ino his mug. He fiddled absently with the teabag, dunking it up and down a few times before taste-testing it and nodding to himself.

"Derek?"

"I don't know what to do..." he said finally, running a hand through his hair. "I mean- I know what to do- but- I did something- I-"

"I thought Meredith was the one who rambled," Carolyn interrupted.

Derek snorted, and a glimmer of amusement lit his dark blue eyes. "Oh, ma..." he sighed.

Carolyn winked and sipped her tea. "Start again."

Derek sipped his tea, thinking. "I guess... I didn't know what I wanted... and now I do-but"

"Son, you've never known what you want."

"What?"

"Let me guess, you've been doing this job I keep hearing about... brain mapping isn't it?"

"Yes," Derek replied.

"Brain mapping. You're doing this job, and you've been fighting with your wife, who happens to be on the other side of the country, and now you miss her."