Make me Better ~Eddie Munson x Reader~

73. The definition of Selfishness

"8:25." I answered back and he winced in embarrassment, scrambling the food once again with the spatula. I bit my lip, and decided to go forward, walking towards him, and I finally got hold of his arm, kissing it softly on the bicep, greeting him and I just felt completely in bliss. Completely happy. The sun was shining through the window, the birds were singing, he was cooking me breakfast, and his cologne was invading my nostrils.

And Eddie pulled away from me.

I stood there, my hands still in the air, processing what just happened.

He pulled his arm away from my embrace.

I frowned as confusion engulfed me, and I could already feel my heart falling into a dark hole. I felt as if my gut was slowly starting to twist, making me feel nauseous as I looked up at him with so many questions in my eyes.

"What...?" I managed to ask and he was breathing deeply, still looking down at the food, frozen. He had a worried frown in his face, and then slowly turned his head towards me, and I saw his eyes, looking at me... with pity. My heart instantly broke, taking one step back, slowly shaking my head because this cannot be happening. This is not right. This is not how it was supposed to go. "No... No, no, no, no..."

"Y/N... I—" He tried talking to me but my eyes were already burning and my ears were buzzing, intensely, wanting to block him out to save myself from pain, from shame, from being fucking naïve. "Listen to me, please..."

"No, you can't... You can't do this to me..." I tried talking and the lump on my throat was becoming evident, and I already felt the tears wanting to leave my eyes, but I did not care. I was starting to see red... so much red.

"I have to be honest. I can't stand here and just..." He turned off the stove, shutting up for a second to collect his thoughts, and it was as if he was looking for the right words to say to me, but I was spiraling into an anxiety crisis. "I miss you. I really do. My feelings are real, so, so real... I want you, and there is no denying that darling..."

I could feel my breath begin to cut itself. He cannot be this selfish. He cannot do this. He can't play with me like this.

"N-No..." I stuttered out, trying to hold in my sobs but it was futile, I can't contain my tears any longer inside of me. His features softened as he looked at me, but all I could feel was pity. Stupid, fucking, pity.

"I was way too intoxicated last night... I wasn't thinking consciously." He spits out of his mouth and I felt my whole world crumbling down.

I had the best night after such a long time yesterday. I could embrace him again. Be with him again. Enjoy him. Feel him. Taste him. And I thought that, thanks to his words, he actually did want to be with me, and start over, be together, try it out, fix us... It was one sided... It's always been fucking one sided.

"S-So you regret it?" I managed to voice out, feeling stepped over, completely and absolutely used by him. I felt so stupid. He shook his head, almost desperately, taking a step towards me.

"No! I don't regret it! It's been... The best night I had in a while..." He said this time, looking down towards the floor, and I felt myself shake, anger invading me, pain making my brain cloud up in storms. "But... I shouldn't have let it happen that way... Not after yesterday." He suddenly says, making me frown through my anger.

"What do you mean?" I knew I was talking; I just didn't know where the strength was coming from.

"It hurt me... too much. Finding out you were out with Hargrove, made me... take some steps back..." He blurts out and my heart was shattered at this, realization hitting me.